By A. C. Williams
On all the nine planets, there exists no creature more majestic than the mighty water buffalo. Resilient. Unflappable. And unpardonably cute when presented with a juicy slice of watermelon.
“Aren’t you the most darling girl? Yes.” Amelia cooed as she scratched the coarse hair between Mrs. Bates’s big dark eyes.
Bates paid her no mind and munched away happily on her pink treat.
The overhead lights flickered. The rolling green hills around them shimmered and faded away to reveal plain supersteel bulkheads.
“Oh, bother.” Amelia huffed.
The intermittent power problems in this section of the space station were becoming more than an annoyance.
Amelia tapped the comm unit on the back of her ear. “MacTavish, are you seeing the power cut on C Deck?”
No answer.
Of course.
MacTavish was either ignoring her—the most likely explanation—or he’d refused to turn his radio on today out of sheer spite.
Amelia tapped the radio again.
“MacTavish, my water buffalo are standing in a pen surrounded by ugly bulkheads,” she said. “They want their holo-projectors back.”
With an irritated grunting noise, Bubba pushed his big black nose through the composite wood stall door. He flapped his soft ears and snorted.
Amelia rolled her eyes and tapped the comm unit again. “Bubba’s unhappy, MacTavish. He’s likely to start a row any minute.”
The door to the water buffalo exhibit wheezed open. Amelia whirled, expecting the station’s surly NUKeltian curator.
“Oh. Hello, Kirci.” Amelia smiled.
Kirci Blom, the station’s sole botanist, waved at her with the awkward grace of someone who loved plants more than people, then immediately turned to the lone tree in the steel room, ensconced in a ferroclay pot in the corner. She knelt and started digging in the dirt around its roots.
“Kirci, dear, have you seen MacTavish?”
Kirci shook her head, her platinum-blonde curls bouncing.
Poor girl. If the subject didn’t involve plants, pine cones, or birdsong, she usually refused to speak about it.
“We need to get the power back on.” Amelia twisted the hem of her uniform shirt fretfully.
Bubba moaned unhappily from the other side of the stall door.
“I know, my friend.” Amelia reached to scratch the soft spot between his horns. “We’ll get it sorted soon.”
Bubba threw his head back and stomped his front hooves. Mrs. Bates lowed at him.
Oh dear.
The last thing they needed right now was a domestic.
Bubba dropped his snout and grabbed for a bite of Mrs. Bates’s watermelon.
Amelia jerked the watermelon slice away. “Now, now, Bubba. That’s not yours.”
A loud hissing sound filled the room, and a blaring alarm roared. Amelia squealed and covered her ears. The two water buffalo charged.
The composite wood fence didn’t stand a chance.
Bubba and Mrs. Bates burst through it, flinging chunks of fake wood everywhere, and stampeded together into the adjoining corridor. Amelia gagged and wiped a chunk of snotty, half-chewed watermelon off her shirt.
She tapped her radio earpiece. “MacTavish!”
With a spark and a chugging noise, the overhead holo-projectors flared to life. The bulkhead walls vanished in a rolling wave of green grass and bright blue skies.
“Oh, it figures.” Amelia scoffed. She bolted after the marauding animals. “MacTavish, this is all your fault!”
The radio clicked in her ear—finally—and MacTavish’s irritable voice rattled over the line.
“Fernsby, why are your fool cows racing down the station promenade?”
“They’re not cows, you heathen!”
Amelia hurried down the corridor, her boots thumping on the floor grates until she reached the main level of the station. Thermaglass windows allowed distant sunlight to spill onto the promenade. Beyond the thermaglass, stars sparkled against the void of deep space.
Fortunately, the station hadn’t opened for visitors today, or the promenade would have been full of people.
Where had Bates and Bubba gone? Were they gazing at the stars? Water buffalo weren’t meant to leave Earth, but since Earth wasn’t suitable for most life any longer—
With a cry of alarm, Ewan MacTavish raced into view, his graying red hair wild and his face pale.
Bubba and Bates lumbered on his heels, huffing and snorting in excitement.
“Fernsby!” he screamed as he ran past her, both buffalo trailing after him.
He carried a slice of watermelon.
Amelia clapped her hands together in delight.
What a clever fellow! Perhaps she’d misjudged him. Bribery was the perfect way to get the buffalo back to their stalls.
MacTavish dove into the water buffalo pen and scrambled out of sight. Kirci came to stand beside her, munching on her own slice of watermelon.
“Kirci?”
“They had watermelon on the meal line today.” She offered a piece to Amelia. “I thought Ewan would like some.”
Amelia rolled her eyes.
Of course MacTavish wouldn’t have thought of such a good idea himself. But it was a pleasant surprise to know that Kirci had been paying attention. Maybe the girl cared more about actually-alive things than Amelia had assumed.
“If Bates and Bubba run him over, I shall blame it on you, Kirci.” Amelia took the offered piece of watermelon.
Kirci raised an eyebrow. “Why do we even have water buffalo?”
“What do you mean?” Amelia’s voice rose in pitch.
“They are not endangered.”
Amelia’s nostrils flared. “Critical endangerment is not a requirement to house a species in this facility, Miss Blom.”
Kirci tilted her head. “But it is my observation that everybody has water buffaloes in their facilities.”
Amelia sputtered. “What a fallacious claim! Everybody certainly does not have water buffalo!”
Kirci turned away with a shrug. “In my opinion, we would be better served by investing in kangaroos.”
A banging noise echoed on the empty promenade. MacTavish limped toward them, his clothing ripped and his left boot missing. “Fernsby!” he raged. “Your bloody cows tried to kill me!”
Amelia groaned and rubbed the sides of her head, her fingers sticky with watermelon juice. Was it too early for a glass of wine?
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Excellent tip of the hat to the first silly song! XD
My mother *died* when I read this to her this morning.
My roommate is a zookeeper who works with the water buffalo, so when this animal kingdom prompt came up, I knew I had to do something with it. And, yes, Mrs Bates is a real water buffalo at the Sedgwick County Zoo in Wichita, Kansas!
I had to look up the VeggieTales song after Rose mentioned it. Hilarious story and very creative!
Lol! Thanks! I had a lot of fun with this one for sure.
Now I want to see them with a pack of kangaroos…
Great story!
Wouldn’t that be fun? Lol
Ahhhh I loved Bubba and Bates. Soooo cute!
They’re adorable, right?? You should meet them in person!
Does the real Mrs. Bates like watermelon?
Water buffaloes in space! LOL!! Totally cute!
Thank you!!! It’s so silly!
I had the pleasure of proofreading this story. I IMMEDIATELY thought of the Water Buffalo Song at the first mention of water buffalo and I was SO happy you referenced it at the end!
Yay!! Isn’t it funny how some words and phrases just get accepted into pop culture without even trying?
Everyone’s got a water buffalo, yours is fast but mine is slow…This was a cute story. I really love the buffalos’ names, especially Mrs. Bates.
Thank you so much! I can’t take credit for Mrs. Bates’s name sadly, because she actually exists. Someone else named her. I just borrowed her!
I now have the water buffalo stuck in my head lol. Great story!
Thank you! Right? I’ve been singing it all day….
“We’re going to get nasty letters saying, ‘Where’s my water buffalo, why can’t I have a water buffalo?’ Are you prepared to deal with that? I don’t think so!” 😂
At least it wasn’t baby kangaroos, right?
Ha ha HA!
Oh my goodness! That was fun. Nice world and fun sci-fi and it turns out it was all to make a VeggieTales reference??! HA!
Lololol…. well, funny story, my roommate is a zookeeper and she works with the water buffalo. So it was partly the veggie tales reference and partly because I told my roommate I’d do it!!!