By Cassandra Hamm
I can’t just meet my girlfriend’s parents like a normal person. No, I also have to serve as a distraction so she can sneak our unconventional pets into her house.
“We’ve got this, Drew.” Kitty shoulders my backpack more tightly as we stare at her childhood home. I would be more reassured if the bag didn’t choose that moment to shift of its own volition.
We couldn’t exactly leave Venus, my tiny dragon, or Ever, her pinecat, in our dorm rooms unattended over Thanksgiving break, so we had to improvise. I know Kitty has the difficult job—smuggling two very unhappy magical creatures inside without detection—but mine feels much, much harder.
As I knock, a muffled but very disgruntled squeak comes from the backpack—Venus voicing her displeasure. Given the number of times she’s stowed away with me to lectures, she should be more comfortable with backpack travel.
The door swings open. Two middle-aged, middle-class adults stare out at us.
“Mom! Dad!” Kitty smiles too widely. “I missed you!”
“Oh, honey, we missed you too!” The woman leans in, arms outstretched.
If she touches that backpack, it’s game over. I intercept the embrace in a move that would make my sports-loving father proud. “Hi!” I say loudly. “Sorry, I’m a hugger!”
I am most definitely not a hugger.
“Oh!” Kitty’s mom sputters.
I maintain my vise grip until Kitty squeezes past us. Cheeks burning, I release her poor mom.
“Sorry, gotta pee! Be right back!” Kitty races up the stairs, her backpack bouncing.
Ouch. I can just imagine the fury on Venus’s reptilian face. Here’s hoping the coins we brought will placate her. She loves shiny things.
“Well, you must be Drew!” Kitty’s mom says. It doesn’t sound like a compliment. “I’m Angela, and this is my husband, Burt.”
“Mr. McDowell,” Kitty’s dad corrects.
I laugh nervously. He doesn’t smile.
“I’m sure you’ll need help bringing in all your bags,” Angela continues.
“Um, sure.” Oh, wait. “Can I come inside first? I’m, um, cold.” Can’t let them near the car until we clean up all the pine needles strewn across the seats. Ever sheds like crazy in the fall.
I think Angela’s grimace is supposed to be a smile. “Oh, of course! How thoughtless of me!” She steps back to let me inside. Mr. McDowell does not. I squeeze past, feeling his burning glare.
Kitty runs down the stairs, backpack-free and in possession of all her fingers. That’s a good sign. “Hi,” she says breathlessly, hugging first her mom, then her dad. “Sorry. Happy Thanksgiving.”
“The same to you,” Angela says. “Now, let’s get your things inside.”
“Oh! Yes!” Kitty bolts back outside, throwing open the car door. I see her moving around frantically, probably brushing pine needles away.
“Well then!” Angela peers closer at her daughter. “You’ve sure put a pep in her step.”
“Hmm,” Mr. McDowell says.
When we join Kitty, all evidence of pinecat has been erased, and she wears her own backpack this time, which emits a faint meow.
“What was that?” Angela looks around, her brows knitting. “I thought I heard a cat.”
“It’s my phone,” I blurt. “My text tone. It, um, it’s a meow. My friend did it as a joke. Sorry. Um.”
Kitty nods, looking relieved.
“So if you ever hear a meow, it’s me getting a text.”
“Here.” Kitty shoves a bag into her mom’s arms. “Thanks!”
This was a terrible idea. I clutch my suitcase. Sure, we might be successful smugglers this once, but how is this going to be a long-term solution? Will her parents even allow me around after this awful first impression?
Only after we’ve lugged the bags to the top of the stairs do I realize another gap in our plan. Venus is presumably out of the backpack now. Kitty’s parents presumably will want to take the bags inside my room. Venus does not understand the importance of staying out of sight.
“Wait.” I halt outside the bedrooms. “Can I, um, talk to you two for a second? Kitty, you can go on in.”
Kitty’s eyes widen, but she snatches my suitcase and darts into my room, shutting the door behind her.
Mr. McDowell folds his arms and glares down at me. Angela’s smile drips with pity.
Wait. Do they think I’m going to propose? I can barely afford ramen packets, let alone a ring! “I was, um, hoping for your permission to date Kitty.” My cheeks blaze.
“Oh! How sweet.” Angela pats my cheek. I try not to flinch. “Well, I’m not sure we know you well enough to say—”
“No,” Mr. McDowell interrupts.
Angela shoots her husband a look. “Ignore him, dear. Besides, we’re in the twenty-first century! Kitty doesn’t need our permission to date anyone.”
Huh. Maybe I will like Angela after all. I just hope she likes me after the hug debacle.
“That being said, you seem like a very… eager young man who cares about our Kitty. Give us a little time, and I’m sure you’ll become part of the family.”
Mr. McDowell snorts.
“Am I good to come out now?” Kitty calls.
“Yep!” My voice cracks.
Still clutching her backpack, Kitty slips out, making sure my door closes behind her before beckoning us into her own room. While her parents drop her luggage onto the floor, she gives me a covert thumbs-up. I exhale. Venus is okay.
But Ever is still squirming somewhat noticeably on her back.
So I say, “Can I help you with anything, Mrs. McDowell?” as I start to head back outside.
Angela beams. I’m not sure she realizes that Kitty didn’t follow us into the hallway. “How nice of you to offer, Drew. And I told you to call me Angela.”
Five minutes later, I’m elbow-deep in dish soap when soft lips brush my cheek. “Thank you, Mr. Distraction,” Kitty whispers.
My blush burns hotter than dragon fire.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Tell us your thoughts!