Mustard Maid

By Cassandra Hamm

On your best friend’s wedding day, you’re not supposed to look like a mustard bottle.

I tug at the garish, yellow fabric of my bridesmaid dress and try to pay attention to the pastor. But I can’t help glowering at Galina, who’s gazing at Brent like he’s the sun.

I love her. I really do. But I hate this mustard-yellow monstrosity.

“In any world, I will love you.” Galina’s Russian accent thickens her words. “In any language, I will speak my adoration. My love stretches beyond the seas and skies.”

Such dramatic words deserve a bigger audience. Too bad her side of the church is practically empty.

I adjust my lacy sleeves so they cover my wrists and clasp my yellow bouquet. If Galina didn’t look so amazing, I’d feel better about my outfit clashing with my red hair. But Galina’s cream-colored dress flows over her golden skin, and her blonde updo accentuates her angular face.

She looks like a goddess. I look like a condiment bottle.

“Does anyone object?” the pastor asks. “Speak now or forever hold your peace.”

A woman on Brent’s side of the church lurches to her feet. Her black attire is more suited for a funeral than a wedding. “This woman,” she says in a thick Russian accent, “is a liar and a traitor.”

I gasp along with the crowd. How dare this lady talk badly about my bestie?

“Nadia.” Shoulders squared, Galina faces the intruder. I’ve seen that stance before—at the softball game when she stood up to her own teammate, who’d been bullying a girl on the other team—also known as me. She didn’t back down then, and she won’t now.

Nadia’s glare could melt steel. “You have crimes to pay for back on Zvezda, Galina Aslanova.”

I scoff. Gal’s no criminal. But what’s Zvezda?

“You know I can’t return to our planet,” Galina says.

Hold up. Gal isn’t actually suggesting she’s from a different planet… is she?

“You cannot escape your punishment. Come with me now, and you will not be harmed.” Nadia arches a sculpted brow. “Or will I have to bring your head?”

Seriously? Is this the French Revolution? “No one is beheading anyone.” I brandish my flowers like a golden sword.

“Yeah.” Brent clenches his fists. “What Sydney said.”

Nadia draws a real sword from her pocket. I drop the flowers. What is going on, and where can I get pockets like that?

Withdrawing a blade from a hidden compartment in her skin-tight dress, Galina shouts something in Russian. My dress hardens into mustard-yellow metal. I stagger under the sudden weight.

Nadia charges at Galina, now garbed in pearly-white armor resembling her wedding dress. Metal clangs against metal, ringing out over the screaming, as Galina parries Nadia’s attacks like a pro.

“I’ll get everyone to safety!” Brent hollers as he helps his grandma toward the door. “Kick her butt, Gal!”

The pastor herds the congregation out the doors. Only I stay frozen.

Galina is from a different planet? That would explain the armor-dresses, sword skills, and unwillingness to talk about home…

Is my bestie an alien?

Nadia slashes Galina’s exposed arm. Galina cries out.

I dash toward the dueling women and slam into Nadia, knocking us both to the ground. Nadia shoves me off. Her sword catches my exposed collarbone, and I screech.

Galina wrenches Nadia away from me, giving me a chance to stand.

“You couldn’t have warned me you were some alien warrior?” I shout.

“Alien warrior princess.” Galina deflects Nadia’s blow.

We have some serious catching up to do.

“You should have died back on Zvezda,” Nadia hisses.

My bleeding collarbone stings. “Whatever you think she did, she didn’t. Gal would never hurt anyone.”

Nadia’s sword clangs off Galina’s armor-dress. “She murdered her fiancé!”

Galina stumbles. Then Nadia brings her sword to Galina’s exposed neck.

“Tell the human,” Nadia sneers. “Tell her how you killed my brother!”

“Liar,” I snap. But Galina won’t look at me. My stomach sinks. It can’t be.

“You didn’t see him when we were alone, Nadiachka,” Galina whispers.

Nadia’s eyes widen at the nickname.

Were they friends? I fight a pinprick of jealousy. Now is not the time.

“So you killed him?” Regaining her composure, Nadia presses the blade deeper. Blood slicks Galina’s collarbone, matching my own.

“He hurt my little sister.” Galina lifts her chin. “I did what I had to.”

Oh, Gal…

“You’re still a murderer!” Nadia cries.

I slip off my right high heel. Calling on years of softball, I wind up my arm and launch the golden shoe into Nadia’s face. Staggering, she pulls back. Galina twists Nadia’s wrist. The assassin drops her sword with a dull clank.

Galina’s blade kisses Nadia’s throat. “Go back to Zvezda.”

Nadia glares. “You wouldn’t hurt me.”

“I don’t want to hurt you, Nadiachka.” Galina exhales. “Just as I didn’t want to hurt Pavel.”

Nadia blinks rapidly. Is she crying?

“Will you leave peacefully?” Galina asks.

Nadia nods. When Galina lowers her weapon, the assassin flees through the church doors.

I stare at my shoe on the floor, my sudden wardrobe change. What just happened? The only thing that comes out of my mouth is, “You couldn’t have picked a more flattering color for my magical armor dress?”

Galina swipes a curl away from her face. “It was on sale.”

The pastor at his side, Brent hurries back into the church. “The lady opened up a portal and vanished,” Brent says. “Looks like you beat her up pretty good, babe.”

“She did,” I say.

He grins. “That’s my wife!”

“Not yet,” says the pastor. “But let’s change that. I pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss––”

Dropping her sword with a clatter, Galina grabs Brent’s face and kisses him hard. I whistle.

“—the bride.”

“You’d better treat her right,” I tell Brent when he comes up for air. “Because you just married the most amazing lady in the universe.”

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Cassandra Hamm is fascinated by the inner workings of the human mind. Her love for flash fiction inspired her to host Instagram writing prompt contests, which she holds every other month. She was published in both the Stories that Sing and Bingeworthy Havok anthologies and the Warriors Against the Storm anthology. As a retail associate at a puzzle store, she has full permission to be a nerd and get paid for it.

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