There’s this girl who gets on the same bus as me. She sits in the second seat from the door. She makes every morning beautiful, whether it is or not. And she turns my world into music.
Boom ba-doh badoodle-ay—the bus slows to a stop and the doors open—shhhh-boom—then close—shhh-boom—again.
“All right, I’m here. What did you want to talk to me about?” Without even looking at Oliver, Ben sat down in the booth and turned to the waitress at the neighboring table. “Coffee. Black. Thanks.”
Oliver stirred his creamer into a heart shape. “I’m in love.”
Ben’s head shot up. What?! “With who?”
“For cryin’ out loud, Arnie! Will you quit snapping selfies?” Liz rolled her eyes. “We’ve been sent to explore and catalog planet 4X9, not pad our personal photo albums!”
“We’re the first humans to set foot here. I’m capturing an historic event. Oh look—ancient ruins!” Arnie struck a pose. “The first anthropologist to find ruins on an alien planet.”
Monday morning, four elderly but spry women sat in a corner booth at the local café, their hands cupped around steaming mugs of aromatic coffee. Tracksuits and Nikes identified them as aiming for quality of life. Mobile phones, lined up on the table, identified them as connected to the pulse of the world.
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Lucifer glanced around, then surreptitiously shoved the box under his arm and hurried to the front of the store. He ought to just steal it, but he didn’t use his powers for trifling things if he could help it. Still, if Mephistopheles or one of the others saw him…
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Harold’s parents were allergic to most pets, but sometimes he brought animals home just to be sure. He made valiant efforts with kittens and puppies, and he tried a Gila monster on them that didn’t go over well.
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Ivy had zero misgivings about bringing her armadillo spelunking with us. Gustave was well-mannered and well-bred. He’d accompanied Ivy to prestigious events, such as opera premiers, royal balls, and lectures on the nature of truth by eminent philosophers. His track record was spotless.
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Friends and fans knew him as Nole the Mole. The internet knew him as a viral failure.
Last year, he dueled Herbert the Hammer at the Twenty-Second Whack-a-Mole International Championship for the title of Mallet Master. Herbert’s score reached previously unseen levels, but Nole knew he could’ve beaten him— had he not ignored a “wet floor” sign, slipped, and sprained his mallet hand catching his fall.
I creep down the ancient stone hallway, barely containing my anticipation. Months of tracking down clues, solving riddles and dodging hamster attacks are finally bearing fruit. Beyond the door at the end of the hallway lies the Donut of Time, last breakfast artifact I must recover before I can challenge the Hamsters of Doom and stop them from destroying humanity.
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“This evening has to be perfect.” Cecilia straightened Saegan’s bow tie with shaking hands. “We must impress the Minderas so they’ll invest in Master Gador’s business.” And she needed to impress Mastor Gador with her first dinner as his new housekeeper.
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“You must have set it wrong.”
Vinny’s voice boomed, making my ears ring. Who had set what wrong? Where was I? More importantly, did they know I’d been informing on them for the last six months?
“There’s nothing to set!” Sal said. A thunderous thud of footfalls passed me. “See? Just a big red start button to turn it on.”
They are coming.
I process the screech of my alarm, my thoughts already running a thousand miles an hour.
My children are coming. The house is a mess. Sister-In-Law Who Can Do No Wrong Ever will be here with Perfect Daughter. If she sees the mess in this house, our next holiday together will be a bloodbath.
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