By Andrew Swearingen
“This is completely your fault.” Captain Quinn paced up and down the cramped dungeon cell, glowering at his android co-pilot.
INFO’s internal servos whirred as she tilted her head. “I do not see my error. I merely informed the men that the sorceress they worship is most likely not a deity, but—”
“Stop right there!” Quinn stuck out his finger. “Rule one of first contact: Don’t blaspheme the local deities. Especially when those worshiping the deities are giant, sword-wielding trolls.”
“Actually, Captain, first contact protocol states— ”
“Also, they wouldn’t have found my proton pistol if you hadn’t told them about it!” Quinn stepped over the drunkard sprawled across the floor and leaned against the cell’s iron bars. “This does it—no more away missions. We’re always running into space pirates or some lizard god or a sentient shade of the color orange. Never again!”
A beefy fist clanged against the bars. Quinn leapt back, suppressing a yelp.
“Quiet, worms!” the guard bellowed.
Quinn trudged over to the bench and sat next to INFO.
The drunk lifted his head. “Hey—hic—there. What’d they get you two on?”
Quinn recoiled. The man’s putrid breath stank from across the cell.
“Two counts of arch-heresy,” Quinn said. “Although, I’m prepared to convert if it’ll get us out of here.” And give us a chance to sneak back to our shuttle.
The drunk shook his head. “Queen loves to watch folks grovel, but her magic always tells her when people are lying.”
“Her ‘magic’ is likely an unknown scientific phenomenon that—”
“Not now, INFO.” Quinn covered her mouth. “Good sir, can you tell me more about the Queen?”
“The Queen’s nothing more than a—hic—usurper.” The drunk plopped himself on the bench. “Gathered power by acquiring magic items then stole the Blood Stone—a powerful gem—from Kraven, last of the great wizards.” Tears welled in his eyes. “She placed the Blood Stone in the hilt of her sword and declared herself Queen over all the lands.”
The drunk suddenly wailed, burying his head in Quinn’s chest. “Poor Kraven! Why—hic—did it end this way!”
“There there. It’s—okay?” Quinn hesitantly patted the drunk on the shoulder, allowing him to regain his composure. “So, the Queen collects magical items? Would an energy weapon from beyond the stars catch her eye?”
The drunk shrugged. “It’s possible.”
Quinn leaned over to INFO. “I have an idea. It will require considerable risk on your part, but it might just get us out of here.”
“I am at your disposal, Captain.” INFO offered a willing smile.
Quinn nodded. “Guard! We would like to offer a tribute to our queen!”
Trolls marched the trio through the castle hallways. Quinn finished his adjustment to INFO’s circuitry as they reached the throne room.
“Let’s hope this works,” Quinn muttered.
The doors opened, revealing the Queen on her towering throne in the center of her giant audience chamber surrounded by a horde of brutish followers. She held Quinn’s photon pistol in her left hand, pressing it against her pale cheek. She gripped the hilt of her sword with her other hand, caressing the Blood Stone.
Quinn knelt, tugging on INFO’s arm. “Kneel, you cybernetic apostate.”
INFO did so. The drunk stumbled and fell.
“You are the star man?” The Queen’s eyebrows rose.
“Yes, exalted one, I command a starship.”
“And you wield the power of the stars?” The Queen turned the pistol around in her hand.
Quinn chuckled. “‘Powers of the stars’ might be an exaggeration. I’m the captain of a starship, but—”
“A ship… a mighty vessel.” The Queen stretched every syllable. “You will take me to your ship.” She ran her tongue along the pistol’s handle.
Quinn grimaced. “Sure. We’d be happy to give you a tour. If you’d let us leave we could prepare—”
“Imbecile!” The Queen stood, towering over the entire assembly. “Cease this foolishness. I sense your deception!”
“Lies? I’m not lying, just… stalling.”
INFO’s internal warning system screeched.
Quinn dove as a violent shockwave erupted from INFO’s chest, blasting the retinue of guards to the ground. The Queen fell from her throne and crashed to the stone floor.
Quinn dashed to the foot of the throne. The Queen lay helpless at the base of her throne, her neck bent at a horrible angle.
“Kraven…” she whispered. A trickle of blood escaped her mouth.
“Sincerest apologies, your majesty.” Quinn retrieved his pistol, turning his attention to INFO. Much of her synthetic skin had been burned off, revealing charred circuitry.
Her eyes flickered to life. “Captain. Did your plan work?”
“Yeah… I think.” Quinn forced a reassuring smile. “Can you move?”
“My tritanium frame is irreparable, however my cranial unit remains fully functional.”
“Cranial… your head?”
“Yes, Captain. If you remove it we should be able to escape.”
Quinn gently detached INFO’s head, which was unsettlingly easy. “Hey… drunky? Where’d you go?”
“You never asked my name.”
Quinn spun around. The drunk stood beside the throne, holding the Queen’s sword, staring deeply into the Blood Stone
“Well, you sobered up quickly… Kraven.” Quinn tightened his grip on the pistol.
“Regaining my stone has cleared my mind.” The former drunk’s eyes narrowed. “And as a reward for your help, I will allow you to leave my throne room alive.”
Kraven’s face shifted, growing into a long snout. His chest expanded and tore out of his rags to reveal thick, red scales. In mere seconds, he grew into a massive dragon.
Quinn hesitated, then adjusted his pistol from “stun” to “kill.”
Kraven brought his jaws down on the Queen’s broken body, devouring her whole.
INFO’s muffled voice came through Quinn’s palm. “I do not believe that will be effective against the creature.”
Quinn ran for the throne room doors, as Kraven spewed fiery death throughout the chamber, melting the last of the Queen’s followers.
“I really hope we won’t have to find out. And this is still completely your fault.”
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
I so enjoyed seeing another Captain + droid dynamic duo, Andrew! I don’t know whether you saw mine yesterday, but it was fun to have our two stories back to back like this. Just goes to show that there are endless versions of similar duos that can be created, and each are unique and fun in their own way. Any chance you have more ideas for Quinn and INFO?
Thanks Teddi. Yeah, there are lots of fun stories to be told of plucky captains and robotic co-pilots. I may have a few other Captain Quinn & INFO adventures rattling along in the back of my head. 😉
I enjoy stories which pile bad luck on bad luck. This is fun.
I love those stories too. It’s great fun to watch an unlucky hero trouble shoot his way through his own bad luck.
Wow, that was a lot of unintended consequences. For a moment I thought the reference to the Queen holding the gun “against her pale cheek” meant she was pointing the barrel at herself, and Quinn was planning to convince her that pulling the trigger would allow her to control the spaceship or something.
Oh dang. I hadn’t even though of something like that. I pull a dark twist every now and again, but that one my have been even too much for even my crazy writer brain.
I love this blend of science fiction and fantasy. So much fun to read!
“Kneel, you cybernetic apostate.” That made me giggle. 😊 Fun story!
Didn’t see that coming. LOL Nice work!
Ooh, I really enjoyed this story! It was an awesome adventure, and I loved the twist at the end! XD