By Jim Doran
Good things come in threes, except for when they’re witches. In Miriel Takkenridge’s case, the three people who approached her booth were two witches and one warlock. They stepped across the plain of the pie-judging contest, not with wands ready for battle but with forks prepared for sampling.
Miriel swept back a white lock from her forehead, examining them. Bianca was all angles and sharpness. She had a hooked nose, a pointed chin, and a small stature. Her half-elven blood made her no taller than a broadsword. The second, Argus, was a medium-sized human, heavyset, sporting a walrus mustache. Jerli was the last. The blonde-haired, blue-skinned woman had broad shoulders and muscular arms. She was a decent spell caster and warrior but a terrible pie judge.
Miriel side-eyed her neighbor and friend, Natash Rytter, as they approached. Natash motioned her attention back to Matteo, who was pawing at the table. Matteo, her large Saint Bernard, whined near her feet. She set a plate of pie filling on the ground for him. The dog devoured it.
Bianca tsked. “Must we wait for you to feed your mongrel?”
Mongrel, indeed!
Miriel clasped her hands behind her back. “Judges, I present to you a delectable offering. You’ll notice the filling is sweet and tart in equal measures, and the berries inside are soft and delicious. I call it Razzle Pie.”
“Raspberry Pie?” inquired Argus.
“No, Razzle Pie.”
Each judge grabbed a plate with a slice of Miriel’s pie. They studied their dessert wedge and poked it with their forks. Argus breathed in its scent over his mustache, smeared with the ingredients of other contestants’ entries. Jerli swiped her pinky finger through its filling.
Bianca’s eyes shifted from the dessert to Miriel and back again. “You are a renowned magician and have traveled to the Other World. You’ve signed the rules, though. We have your word you haven’t used magical ingredients or cast cantrips on the pie?”
Miriel gestured to Matteo. “What kind of a wizard would feed her dog magically enhanced food?”
“Last year, you accused us of favoritism.” Jerli pointed her fork at Miriel, gripping it like a dagger. “This year, you enter the contest.”
Miriel lifted her chin. “I maintain that the best entry was Natash Rytter’s pie.”
“We’re a little suspicious, is all.” Argus’ nose twitched. “You spoke of revenge.”
“Tish tosh.” Miriel swayed from side to side. “All in the past. My revenge, dear judges, is for you to announce me the winner.”
Bianca eyed her neighbors. Miriel had paid her four silver coins, the same as the other contestants. Jerli leaned forward. “Not submitting an ingredient list will count against you, Miriel.”
“So be it. I shall produce no such list.”
She stared down Argus and Jerli. Neither could hold her gaze. Finally, she turned to Bianca. Miriel was a retired adventurer who influenced the surrounding community. She could convince others to boycott the event, and the three judges knew it.
“Very well.” Bianca inserted her fork through the crust. “I’ll go first.”
Bianca sampled a bite. Until she swallowed the morsel, Bianca’s eyes remained on Miriel.
“The pie’s delicious.” Bianca puckered her lips as if her admission was vile. “I don’t taste any unusual ingredients. I detect blueberry notes with a hint of lemon. Go ahead.”
Jerli and Argus both took a bite of their pies. Argus had a second helping and made a satisfying humming noise. When they finished, they gestured in the air. Three parchments with quills appeared. Each judge wrote on the paper, and with a snap, the notes vanished.
Nodding, Bianca placed her plate on the table and said in a flat tone, “We’ll announce the winner in an hour.”
Argus and Jerli set their plates down while Miriel curtsied. She scooped up the plates and offered them to Matteo. The dog drooled as the plates came down like manna from the sky.
Satisfied, the judges moved along to the next table. Miriel stroked Matteo’s head, scratching his ears as he ate.
An hour later, the three judges stood on the podium in the middle of the field. Cherry blossoms drifted by like white slips of paper, creating whispering sounds as if they were sharing secrets to each other. The judges held a large scroll, and the contestants gathered around. Natash stood next to her. Miriel had sampled everyone else’s entries and concluded the middle-aged dryad’s was, yet again, the best.
Miriel spotted Lady Redwina, Argus’ neighbor, smirking and rubbing her hands together. Miriel nudged Natash, scraping her elbow along Natash’s bark skin. “Lady Redwina seems confident.”
“You don’t think she’ll win, do you?” Natash’s shoulders slumped. “I could plaster my walls with her whipping cream.”
“Argus and she are like this.” Miriel crossed her fingers.
Natash hmphed. “Why did I even enter?”
Bianca stepped forward and shouted. “We, the judges, thank you for your delicious pies. We have been running this contest for over forty years and have never sampled such exquisite desserts.”
“The same introduction every year,” Natash rolled her eyes. “And now the rhyme.”
The three judges spoke in unison.
“And now, the winner,
The baker of pies.
No more delays,
We must not lie.
The best entry is,
Natash Rytter’s pie.”
Everyone clapped as Natash bounced on the balls of her feet.
Bianca clamped her hand over her mouth, and Argus and Jerli shook their heads. Argus cleared his throat. “We mean the winner is Natash Rytter.”
Jerli made a slashing motion to Natash as she started forward. The blue-skinned woman gestured to Lady Redwina. “My partners are mistaken. Natash, please approach.”
Lady Redwina snorted. “How dare you insult me! I’ve had enough.”
The lady turned around and marched off. Miriel pushed Natash toward the podium. “Go accept your accolades.”
Natash whispered to Miriel. “You magicked your pie, didn’t you?”
“Magicked?” Miriel’s eyebrows rose. “No, my dear. A few truthberries from the Other World is hardly magic. A little razzle-dazzle is all.”
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Now, if only I could feed some truth berries to my mechanic to find out how my check engine light “randomly” came on, requiring further investigation, after he changed my brake pads. Great story Mr. Doran! Loved the “like manna from the sky,” comment!
Yes, a little more truthberries in real life would be awesome. Thanks for reading.
Nice twist! Those judges should’ve known better than to eat an unknown ingredient.
The judges know now. But the way I hear it, Miriel become a judge next year. Thanks for reading.
Very fun!
Thank you!
If we could find some wayberries and lifeberries to go along with these truthberries, we’d have have the beginnings of a Jesus-themed breakfast cereal.
LOL.
Woohoo, yay for Miriel, using a few tricks she picked up from the Other World 🥳 I love this mix-match of fun, vibrant fantasy peoples and magic in what would otherwise be an ordinary setting, that made it so fun and interesting! And that twist was pretty great, too 😂
Thank you for the wonderful comments. I love mixing the extraordinary with the ordinary.
Great twist…too bad we don’t have “truthberries” in our world!
Fun story, great use of the characters, great twist at the end. I totally enjoyed this!
This was so funny and I love pie! ❤️