By Rachel Kimberly Hastings
I scrambled across the roof of the Royal Treasury Coop. Hopefully the City Guard wouldn’t spot me holding a squawking golden chicken above my head and assume the worst.
A metal hook clanged against the clay tiles just ahead. I dodged the attached rope and glanced back. Two gray-cloaked thugs pursued me.
One of them reeled in his grappling line and prepared to swing it again. “You’ll regret messing with our prize, girl!”
The hen clucked in terror.
“I’ll protect you, Henrietta,” I promised.
“Juni!” a sonorous voice bellowed from my belt pouch. I groaned. That would be my wizard mentor, Smorloc, calling on my scrying crystal. Awful timing, as usual. “Juniper, pick up the stone!”
I clutched Henrietta to my chest and jumped across a narrow alley. “Can’t talk right now, Smorloc! Kinda busy!”
And as usual, he kept prattling. “Head to Gregor’s Trading Post. After your fountainous attempt at an invisibility potion, my overboots have gone missing. Pick up a new pair, size twelve plus plus, black leather with silver trim, reinforced toes.”
The grappling hook hit a chimney pot next to my head. Too close.
“I’ll see if I can fit it into my schedule.”
I had to get Henrietta to safety first. Though actually, the busy street to Gregor’s shop might be the perfect place to lose some would-be chicken snatchers.
I leaped onto a balcony.
“Buckaw!” Henrietta squawked.
I slid along a low-swooping roof and dropped into a hay cart. The hen beat her wings in protest, nearly giving me a black eye.
“Stow those hot wings before you get us cooked,” I muttered, slipping into the flow of traffic.
Thump. The thugs dropped from an awning in front of me. “We’ll poach you yet!”
I tucked Henrietta under my arm and sprinted around a wheelbarrow, the fowl thieves falling behind again. I had to make it to the troll bridge.
Ahead of me, the soaring structure carved a path right through the misty cloud layer. Gregor’s bridge was one of the largest and most-traveled toll routes in the whole city, which was how his trading post had become so successful. That, and his world-famous rock candy.
I reached the sprawling gatehouse at the base of the bridge, where Gregor kept his wares. The silver bell above the door jangled as I dashed inside.
“I’ll be right with you!” called a gravelly voice from behind the counter.
“Mr. Gregor!” I gasped, searching the cluttered floor for any sign of the proprietor. “There’s two thieves after me! I rescued Henrietta from them, and now they’re crackin’ mad…”
Gregor the bridge troll poked his small gray face out of a pile of mismatched socks. He smelled of lint. “Thieves?” His bushy eyebrows twitched low. “Stand back, Miss Juniper. I’ve been dying to try out my new security system!” He stumbled into an umbrella stand that towered over him and hustled into the back room.
I glanced out the front window. “Hurry! They’re almost to the bridge!”
Gregor called, “Do me a favor, will you? There’s a black lever under the counter. Pull it.”
I shifted Henrietta to my hip and tossed stray socks off the lever. “Now?”
The bell above the door clattered.
The thieves rushed inside, brandishing clubs. “Hand over the chicken and no one will get hurt!”
“Now!” Gregor bellowed.
I yanked the lever.
A trapdoor opened above the brutes, and a host of fuzzy black speckles snowed down on their heads.
The men screeched like harpies and hopped about, beating at their clothes. “Get them off! Eek!!”
I squinted. Gobs of spiders swarmed over the thieves. “That’s the security system?”
Something monstrous and hairy hurtled out of the back room, bigger than three Henriettas put together. A giant spider! It scuttled toward the flailing thieves.
The men dropped their clubs, stumbled over each other, and plunged out the door. The awful arachnid chased them into the street. They fled, screaming.
I shuffled back, fumbling for the back door to slip out before—
The giant spider turned to me. “Worked like a charm!”
I blinked. “Gregor?!” I burst into laughter. “That’s the most terrifying costume I’ve ever seen!”
The old troll pulled off the many-eyed head and bowed. “It was payment from a theater troupe that passed over my toll-bridge a few weeks ago. Been wanting to try it out.”
Henrietta squirmed and stretched out her neck, trying to peck at the spiders still crawling around the room.
“Guess it’s time to clean up,” Gregor said. “You wouldn’t believe how long it took to catch all those.”
“You caught spiders just for a security system?”
He shrugged. “So I have weird hobbies.”
“Well, I’d better get this little lady back to the Royal Treasury Coop.” I stroked Henrietta’s back. “They oughta put better security on her nesting box after this.”
“Tell them to try spiders,” Gregor said.
I headed for the door, but my scrying crystal chimed again.
“Juniper?” came Smorloc’s voice. “Girl, where are you? Did you get my boots?”
Oops. “Working on it, Smores.” I spun back toward Gregor.
Thankfully, he had the boots my mentor needed. He checked the tag. “They’re one silver.”
I set Henrietta down and patted my pockets. Double oops. What with rushing after a pair of thieves to save a feathered damsel in distress, I hadn’t had time to withdraw any silver eggs from the Treasury Coop. “Sorry, I’ll have to come back—”
Henrietta clucked at me from the floor.
“What is it, girl?” I asked. “You’re safe now, don’t worry.”
She cocked her head, settled on Gregor’s pile of mismatched socks, and fidgeted for a few seconds.
Thump. Henrietta stood and revealed her contribution.
Gregor laughed. “I’ll be scrambled! She found a way to thank you for saving her drumsticks.”
I picked up the solid gold egg, still warm. It was more than enough for Smorloc’s boots. Maybe… “Hey, could you add a barrel of that world-famous rock candy to my order?”
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
I loved the abundance of EGG-cellent puns! XD
Hilarious! I always love a good chicken pun–and leg.
fun, fun, fun!
I love it.
This was a joy to read!
Oh my goodness, this is EXACTLY the sort of story concept I would read the far out of. Absolutely hilarious!! I love Juni and Smores already!!