Phoenix Feathers and Chicken Pot Pie

By A. C. Williams

Captain Tiberius Q. Overton sneered in disgust. The tavern smelled like the inside of a whiskey barrel—the cheap kind of whiskey the deckhands drank. He shouldered through the flock of nattering peasants, who warmed themselves at the meteor smoldering in the central hearth.

The tawny, glowing emberstone put out a remarkable amount of heat and light, shining in the gold of his epaulets and the trim on his cuffs and collar. If he’d been at the Rose and Crown in his own world, the whole room would have noticed him. Here? Well, this Veil-born rabble didn’t know a kingsguard captain from a copper kettle.

Tiberius lowered himself onto a rough stool at a crude, sticky table.

Something warm and lithe wrapped itself around his booted ankle, and he leapt up from the stool, hand on the hilt of his sharpened saber. The stool clattered to the floor. Under the table, a huge dark cat blinked at him with green eyes.

“Saints.” He released his grip on the hilt.

He sat the stool upright and nudged the cat away with the toe of his boot.

“Phoenix feathers are a lot of trouble.” He eyed the low wooden counter at the back of the tavern where Axel, his ship’s engineer, haggled with a man in a broad-brimmed hat.

Hopefully the gypsy wouldn’t swindle them. The cat wrapped around his ankle again.

“That’s Bast.” A grimy-faced barmaid in an old corset and threadbare skirts stopped at his elbow. “She don’t mean no harm.”

“It’s getting fur on my boots.” Tiberius nudged the insistent animal away again and regarded the woman with a scowl. “Does this shack serve actual food, perchance?”

The waitress raised her unplucked eyebrows at him. “Is that an actual question?”

Tiberius glared. “What do you recommend?”

“Folks mostly order the pot pie.” The waitress shrugged.

“The what?”

“Pot pie. Chicken and veg in gravy and pastry.” Her brown eyes flashed. “Unless that’s too common for a fine gent like you.”

“Sufficient.” Tiberius folded his arms across his chest and lifted his chin. “But substitute edamame and sweet potatoes for the peas and carrots and be sure to include rosemary in the crust.”

The waitress blinked at him. “Mister, where do you think you are?”

“I’m at a disgusting tavern at the crossroads of the multiverse looking for phoenix feathers.” He sighed. “I’ve placed my order. Now, do your job and fetch it.”

The waitress wrinkled her nose at him then snapped off a fierce salute with a cheeky grin. “Yes, sir.” She whirled away in a blur of worn skirts.

Something sharp pierced his calf through his military trousers, and he swatted the cat away. The animal clawed his hand, drawing blood, and he squawked in alarm.

“Wretched creature!” He stomped his foot to scare the hellspawn away.

It didn’t work.

At the back, both Axel and the gypsy trader stared at him, Axel in surprise and the trader with a knowing glint in his dark eyes.

Well, that wouldn’t do. Making a scene over a cat? He was an honored captain of the Royal Airship Force of the Fourth World. No member of his crew could see him squabbling with a dumb animal.

Slowly, the gypsy trader drew Axel back into debate over the phoenix feathers between them on the counter, an otherworldly glimmer of light in a glass jar.

If nothing else, this stop wouldn’t be a total loss.

Tiberius yelped and teetered on the stool as the huge fluffy cat jumped into his lap and rubbed itself across his chest.

“Get off me, you beast!” He shoved the cat off.

Any self-respecting tavern should have a dog, so of course this one had a cat. If Tiberius had managed the Emberstone, the rotting sinkhole would have been first rate. He’d have made sure it was clean, the wait staff bathed regularly, and no fur-shedder came within spitting distance of the food.

The threadbare skirts returned, and the waitress dropped a cast iron pan before him.

“Your meal, O Captain of Captains!” She bowed at the waist with a melodramatic flourish.

Tiberius scowled at the steaming mass of mushy meat, vegetables, and pastry in front of him. Peas. Carrots. No rosemary. “This is unacceptable.”

“Our cook ain’t your personal chef.” The waitress rolled her eyes and set her hands on her hips.

He pushed the pan away. “Take it back.”

The waitress guffawed. “That’s what you get. Eat it or leave.”

Tiberius stood so fast the stool crashed to the floorboards again. “This is an outrage. As your customer, I insist that you meet my requirements.”

The waitress smirked.

He loomed over her. “I demand to speak to your manager.”

Her eyebrows arched. “The manager?”

Tiberius straightened his collar. “I wish to lodge a complaint.”

The woman’s face twisted with laughter. She nodded over Tiberius’s shoulder. “You can talk to the manager any time.”

Tiberius whirled back to the table and froze. The giant fluffball of a cat sank to its haunches next to his substandard chicken pot pie and began to eat.

“I want the manager, you strumpet.” He glared at the waitress.

She gestured toward the furry beast again.

“That is a cat. Not the manager!”

“Why can’t she be both?” The waitress shrugged. “You said it yourself. We’re at the crossroads of the multiverse, Captain. Who says humans are in charge here?”

The waitress flounced away. Tiberius turned back to the table just as the cat licked its snout with a particularly smug expression in its eerie green eyes.

“Tastes fine to me,” the cat said.

Tiberius gawked.

The cat tilted its head and returned to eating. Had it smiled at him?

Tiberius wasn’t hungry anymore, and Axel could get the feathers without his involvement.

Forget the pie. Forget the insolent waitress and the whole stinking tavern. If his crew found out he’d argued with a cat, they’d mutiny on principle.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

A. C. Williams is a coffee-drinking, sushi-eating, story-telling nerd who loves cats, country living, and all things Japanese. She’d rather be barefoot, and if isn’t, her socks will never match. She likes her road trips with rock music, her superheroes with snark, and her blankets extra fuzzy, but her first love is stories and the authors who are passionate about telling them. Learn more about her book coaching services and follow her adventures on social media or on her website.

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