By Michael Dolan
“By the power of the lamp held in your hand, your smallest wish is my command.”
A low, prolonged squeal escaped Alan’s wide smile. His eyes ping-ponged between the lamp he held and the ethereal figure before him.
“Though your wishes cannot exceed three, there are no bounds for what they may be.”
“Are you seeing this?” Alan whispered to the shop clerk. Her eyes were just as wide as his, but her smile was noticeably less so.
“Three wishes to turn any into a king, and now I’m done with this rhyming th— Where am I?” The genie’s insubstantial body rotated as he looked around at the trinkets surrounding them.
“Oh, um, just a curio shop in Poulsbo,” said Alan.
The genie scanned the room and nodded. “All right. Cool. I’ve definitely ended up in weirder places.” He turned back to Alan. “Back to the task at hand. You get it: three wishes, anything you want.”
“Awesome.” Alan stared at the lamp in his hands. “So, how does this work? Do I just say, ‘Genie, I wish for X?’”
“Nah, Genie’s too formal. Call me G.”
“Uh, you got it, G.”
“Yeah!” G high-fived Alan. “That’s what I’m talking about. Okay, shoot. What’s your first wish?”
Alan answered immediately. “I want to go back three years and do senior year of college differently.”
The windchimes above the counter tinkled. G exhaled slowly. “Really? That’s it? You sure you wouldn’t like a billion dollars? A private island? Maybe a sneak peek at the next Star Wars?”
Alan shook his head. “Nope, I’m positive. I want to redo senior year of college.”
“You sure?” G pressed. “What about a pet tiger? You’d look real regal with a pet tiger.”
“You think?” Alan’s chest swelled as he pictured striding to the bus stop, a tiger stalking at his heels. His attention snapped back to the genie. “I mean, no. I know what I want. That’s it.”
A pained expression crossed G’s face. “Look, I’m going to level with you. Going back isn’t impossible per se, but it makes things complicated. Once you start talking time travel, you’ve got to think about temporal loops, paradoxes, alternate timelines—it gets to be a bit of a hassle.”
“You’re a genie. Isn’t crazy stuff supposed to be your jam?”
“Whoa, dude. Just because I have near-incomprehensible otherworldly powers does not mean I enjoy responsibility. Why’s this so important anyway?” G leaned close with a knowing smile. “Is it a girl?”
Alan huffed. “What? How dare you suggest I’d be willing to destroy the fabric of reality for… a crush!” He looked down, twisted the lamp in his hands, then looked back up. “But let’s pretend I was.”
G clapped his hands. “Ahaa, I knew it! Come on, man. You know that’s not going to end well.”
“You don’t know that. I’ve really worked on myself these last few years.”
“Worked on—” G frowned. “Oh! You think I’m talking about the relationship.” G’s laugh rattled the shop. “Hey man, I’m sure you’ve done an outstanding job becoming a better you. But think about this:”
He sprouted several new arms and started weaving them in and out of one another. “If you make this wish now, sure, you get together with this girl, and life is great. But that means you probably don’t make this little bachelor trip, so you end up not finding my lamp. If you don’t find me, I can’t send you back to fix things up. Without me to send you back, there’s no way for you to know to turn on the charm, and you make another series of questionable decisions that eventually bring you here to find my lamp. At that point, I could send you back to do it all over again, but it’d technically take another, second wish.
“And on we’d go, which, if you think about it, would require infinite wishes. Thing is, I have an inordinately strict three-wish policy—no matter how much you screw up the space-time continuum.”
G crossed his three pairs of arms and delivered a pointed look at Alan. “Got that, McFly?”
Alan, to stop the room from spinning, sat down on the chair behind him and crushed its ‘Do not sit’ sign. “I guess that makes sense.”
“Besides, there’s plenty of fish in the sea.” G gestured toward the shop clerk, who hadn’t moved since the genie first appeared. “What about her? She’s cute.”
“Ew,” the clerk said.
“Looks aren’t everything, though.” G appeared between Alan and the clerk. “The point is, you’re young. Mistakes happen. We learn from them.” He draped his arm around Alan’s shoulders, which would have been more comforting if it wasn’t so disconcertingly pseudo-tangible. “Why waste time—or valuable wishes—wanting to go back to fix things if it distracts us from living in the present?”
Alan gave G the side-eye. “I can’t tell if you’re sharing a legitimate life lesson, or just trying to get out of granting a complicated wish.”
G nudged Alan in the side, which had the unfortunate effect of passing his elbow into Alan’s ribs. “If you can’t tell, that’s all that matters.”
“Okay, yeah, whatever.” Alan stood and stepped out of the elbow’s range with a skeptical glance. “So, if you won’t grant that wish, what will you do?”
G made a pair of finger guns and winked. “Anything, my man. Well, I probably shouldn’t do anything involving resurrection or murder, but I’d put up much less of a fight if you insisted.”
“Okay.” Alan considered the lamp, his excitement considerably tempered since first finding it. He chewed his lip for a moment, then sighed. “So much for telling my ex I believe her unicorn story. I guess I’ll wish for a billion dollars, G.”
“Never thought I’d hear it that way.” G flicked a hand up to cast the spell. “I can tell you’re going to be a real fun master.”
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
This is one of my favorite stories Havok has published – genius! (and hilarious!)
Wow, thank you Savannah! It was lots of fun to write.
Loved it! I want to find a genie like that guy.
Thank you, Stephanie! That would be pretty cool, right?
Your stories are so fun, Michael! G is great. :D
Thanks, Lila! He was a fun character to play with.
Always those pesky consequences.
Right? That’s supposed to be what genies get you out of!
Great story. Please write more!
Thanks, Jeff. I certainly will!
Genie-us! I hope later on he encounters his ex riding her unicorn somewhere in the clouds and can let her know that he now, indeed, believes in the fastastical….or just impresses her with his billion dollar home. Thanks Michael!
That’s my kind of pun, Nate! Thanks! I can only imagine the kind of conversation all four of them would get into, haha.
I love the payoff on this story. Classic!
Thanks, Lisa! Credit to Lauren and Gen for their guidance on making the ending stronger :)
I love that he suggests a sneak peak of the next Star Wars. Lol!
Right? Not that bad of a wish, haha.
Ha ha! That was a fun one to read. And I love a good dialogue about time travel. :D
Thank you! I really liked imagining how the conversation would go down between these two.
Hahahaha!!! My favorite line is definitely, “Got that, McFly?” Genies just seem love making pop culture references!