Bloodlender Babysitter

By Beka Gremikova

There were no bats. So weird. Most vampires enjoyed playing into the stereotypes.

Throughout her volunteering as a bloodlender, Emily had seen shutters painted blood red, fang-shaped windows, and even encountered guard bats that pooped on her head.

This Victorian home had ignored the memo; it boasted a white picket fence and clusters of pink peonies around the door.

It was a house she’d want to live in. Perhaps, for once, she’d found “normal” vampires. Human-normal. She hated rinsing guano from her hair, though she’d accepted it as an inevitable part of her calling. But this signaled hope for a guano-free future!

Grinning, Emily marched up the stairs and rang the doorbell.

A short, smiling woman answered. “Hello, I’m Lena. You’re Emily, right?”

Emily straightened, offering her most businesslike smile. “That’s right! I’m ready to help your kid eat—drink—his, er…” She trailed off as Lena’s gaze fell to her bare arms.

“You don’t have many scars,” Lena said doubtfully. “Are you sure you’re qualified?”

Emily scuffed her boot against the front step’s pristine white paint. “I use healing creams. I assure you I’m more than qualified. I’ve helped some of the pickiest vampire brat—” She coughed. “—children start drinking blood. And I’m hypoallergenic.” Don’t mess with a future vampire doctor, lady. “I’m going to be a Bloodmaster when I’m older.”

“A Bloodmaster?” Lena shuffled backwards. “Heaven preserve us from more of those.”

“You don’t like the doctor?”

“Vampires are the only creatures who should be sticking their fangs into people. Needles are unlawful, and the heartbeat thing—”

“The stethoscope?” Emily asked dryly.

“Nothing should get that close to my heart,” Lena snapped. “First it was stakes, now it’s stethoscopes…” She shook her head. “Become a dentist instead.” She smiled, showing off her sparkling fangs.

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

“Good. For some reason, we vamps just can’t find dentists that will take us.” She beckoned Emily into the house. “Anyways, I’ll show you to Taren.”

As Lena led her down the hall, Emily scouted for toys she could use as incentive. Vampire kids loved their creature comforts. Promising to play “Sink the Fang in the Donkey” with them after they drank their supper was one of her favorite tactics.  But there were no toys anywhere.

She paused as they entered the living room, uncertainty creeping in. “Um, Lena, how old is—”

The words died on her lips.

Lena stood in front of a couch, scowling down at a boy whose attention was snared by a book titled, Bloody History: Why Drinking Blood is So Last Year. “Taren, this is Emily, the bloodlender.”

Taren glowered at Emily. He had a slight baby face but still looked around her age. Definitely not the petulant five-year-old Emily had assumed when Lena phoned her. Still petulant, though.

Taren drew his knees to his chin. “Mom, bloodlenders are for three-year-olds!”

“Well, you’ve been acting like a three-year-old,” Lena said. “And they are not just for children! Lots of older vampires need bloodlenders. Especially when their fangs fall out,” she whispered to Emily.

Yep, this was way out of Emily’s league. She’d rather deal with a cranky old vamp-grandpa than a teenager. “Well, the Bloodlender Babysitter program is designed to help kids—”

“I’ll pay you regular bloodlender wages, then. But I figured someone who had worked with lots of brats could help mine.”

“Hey!” Taren scowled, then crossed his arms. “Either way, I’m not going to drink her blood.”

That’s what he thinks. “And why’s that?” Emily asked, perching close beside him on the couch. “My blood not good enough for you?”

He shifted slightly. “Drinking blood is a disgusting habit.”

A lot of kids said that. Time to start acting like the future Bloodmaster I am. “What about it makes you feel that way?”

“It…” His voice lowered. “…makes me throw up. I get tingles, and hives.”

She pursed her lips as she perused the symptoms in her head. Then she leaned toward him. “Well, I think I know the problem: you’re allergic to blood.”

Taren stared at her. “Vampires can be allergic to blood?”

“It’s not common—”

Lena threw up her hands. “You’re allergic? Of course I’m the only vampire mom in history to have a child allergic to blood!”

“For fang’s sake, he’s not the only one in history.” Emily rolled her eyes. What hysterics. She’d thought soccer moms were bad. “He’ll grow out of it. And there are some hypoallergenic food sources.” Emily grinned at Taren and stuck her arm in his face. “Like my blood.”

“I didn’t know about hypoallergenic people, either,” Taren muttered.

“Perhaps I should pay more attention to the vampirical-service-announcements on the radio,” Lena murmured.

“I would say so,” Emily said. “We humans can’t save your butts every time.” She did enjoy being the hero, though. She elbowed Taren. “Come on, bud. Drink up.”

Taren grimaced, but he sank his fangs into her skin. It felt like a kitten scratch. Then he slurped, and she bit her lip to keep from laughing. Taren sat back, patting his stomach.

“All good?” she asked.

He ducked his head. “Yeah. Sorry for acting like such a brat earlier.”

“No worries.” She stood, stretching and checking her watch. “I’ve got to go. My mom’s making garlic bread for supper.”

Taren recoiled. “That’s vile.”

“Garlic cleanses the blood,” Emily said. “It’s what makes me so healthy.”

“Stop,” Lena moaned, collapsing onto the couch.

Emily stifled another laugh. “Why do vampires hate garlic so much?” Her bloodlending teachers hadn’t even known the answer.

“It rots our fangs!” Lena said. “It’s like candy to us.”

“I see.” How long did garlic stay in the bloodstream? “I guess tomorrow I’ll show you an alternate food source, Taren. There are quite a few hypoallergenic blood fountains in the city.”

“Beats garlicy blood,” he said.

Emily shook her head as she left the house. So much for “normal” vampires.

As if to press the point, a bat swooped in.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Beka Gremikova lives, writes, and dreams from the Ottawa Valley, Ontario, Canada. When she’s not globe-trotting, searching for Narnia, or exploring new cultures, she’s gushing over anime and manga, BBC classical adaptations, and video game characters. She has been published in the A Kind of Death anthology from Uncommon Universes Press, and is currently working on a short story and poetry collection of fairy tale retellings.

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