By Rachel Dib
Dr. Miranda sucked in a breath of crisp autumn air and eyed the park across the street from her office. She’d had a long morning, and the sight of elm trees, limbs clothed in golden leaves, eased the tension in her shoulders.
I’ll take a walk, clear my mind, and—
“Doctor Miranda!”
Doctor Miranda’s shoulders instantly tensed again. Tilli.
“Why are you out of your office?” Tilli masqueraded as a human teen today. Though with her hot-pink hair and delicate, pixie-like features, Dr. Miranda had difficulty not seeing her as a gnome no matter what form she took.
“I don’t live in my office, Tilli. I do leave on occasion.”
Wrinkling her nose, Tilli rolled a pebble between her thumb and forefinger. “I guess that makes sense.”
“Yes. And when I’m away from my office, I’m not working. If you’d like to schedule an appointment, Sharon in the front office will happily assist you.”
“Is she the one who used to have bird statues covering her desk?”
“That’s her.”
Tilli sucked her teeth. “She hasn’t liked me ever since I animated a glass robin and it took a spin around the waiting room.”
Dr. Miranda blinked, vaguely remembering an incident with a bird. That explains why Sharon got rid of her collection.
“Anyway,” Tilli continued. “I promised Coilin you’d help his brother. Today.”
An image of Tilli’s boyfriend—a green-eyed, purple gnome—flashed across Dr. Miranda’s mind. “As I said, I’d be happy to help once you’ve—”
“Yeah, this can’t wait,” Tilli interrupted. She flicked her pebble at a man with white-blond hair kneeling beside a flower bed of purple pansies. “Dorian, get over here.”
“But they’re so beautiful,” he replied, still fixated.
Tilli cast Dr. Miranda a look that said, “See?” before returning her attention to the man. “The therapist I wanted you to meet is here. It’d be rude not to say hello.”
“Well, I wouldn’t want to seem rude.” Dorian rose and turned around.
Dr. Miranda’s breath caught in her throat as she beheld the most beautiful man she’d ever seen. With his thick blond hair, piercing blue eyes, and strong jaw, he looked almost angelic.
Dorian stepped forward and took Dr. Miranda’s hand. “I’m Dorian Gray.” He bent and kissed her fingers.
She wrenched her hand away. “That’s very inappropriate.” Still, her heart fluttered at the old-fashioned gesture.
Tilli snorted. “Just so you know, he copied his human look and manners from a princess movie.”
Dr. Miranda cleared her throat. “What is the problem, Tilli?”
Tilli cocked a brow. “Obviously, Dorian is obsessed with beauty. He likes shiny objects and flowers. He’d probably even fall in love with those yellow trees over there.”
“Yellow trees?” His face brightened. “How lovely!”
Tilli latched onto Dorian’s well-defined bicep before he could saunter away. “But his main issue is being self-obsessed. One of his lady friends painted his portrait and let him keep it. He stared at it for hours on end.”
“She captured the very essence of me.” Dorian sighed, his face sullen. “But then the portrait vanished. Its absence broke my heart.”
Dr. Miranda thought she glimpsed guilt in Tilli’s eyes.
Tilli clicked her tongue. “Recently, he discovered those picture machines you humans have. The ones where you climb in a box, make a face, and it prints half a dozen photos.”
“I have some with me!” Smiling broadly, Dorian produced a string of square pictures.
Dr. Miranda noted his perfection in each one—even when in his purple, three-foot-tall gnome form.
“He has hundreds of those pictures plastered across his walls.” Tilli scowled. “All he does is stare at them. This is the first time he’s left his cottage in months.”
“I can’t help it if I’d rather admire beauty than dwell in the dismal outdoors.” Dorian’s eyes were glued to the photos. A quirky grin lifted one corner of his mouth.
“Cut it out. You’re not that pretty.”
“You’re not that pretty,” Dorian snapped back.
Hurt tightened Tilli’s features but quickly morphed into annoyance. “I need him fixed. Coilin is worrying about him instead of paying attention to me, and it’s ruining everything. I originally offered to transform him into a naked mole rat. See how handsome he was then. But Coilin mentioned how much you’ve helped me, and…” Tilli blew out her cheeks. “I promised to take him to you first and save the mole rat as plan B.”
“I see.” Dr. Miranda felt a tension headache forming at the base of her skull. Doing nothing but staring at pictures is concerning. But, knowing Tilli, there’s also an outlying problem to contend with.
Tilli crossed her arms. “Well, help him. The sooner he’s fixed, the sooner I can go on a date.”
And there it is. She’s jealous Coilin is focusing on Dorian instead of her. Perhaps they both need therapy.
Dorian lifted his gaze from the photos. “I don’t need fixing. I’m perfect the way I am. You’re the one with a problem. It’s always, ‘me, me, me’ with you.”
Dr Miranda held up a hand to stop their bickering. “You know, Dorian, I’d love to talk more about your pictures.”
He tilted his head. “Really?”
“Yes. I’m a big art fan. In fact, you’ll love the selection of oil paintings in my office.”
“Wonderful!” A smile lit up his face. “When can I see them?”
“Talk to Sharon at the front desk. She’ll find you a time.”
“Magnificent! Thank you!”
“No, thank you.”
As Dorian strode away, Tilli huffed. “I said I needed him fixed today.”
“And I said I’m currently out of the office,” Dr. Miranda replied evenly. “If you’d like to discuss the matter further, you can follow Dorian’s example and make an appointment. At that time, I’d be happy to discuss today’s events as well as how Coilin’s inattention to you made you feel.”
Tilli released another huff but gave a noncommittal shrug.
“Good afternoon, Tilli.” That said, Dr. Miranda headed toward the park for a refreshing walk.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Good story, great example of keeping a work life balance from Dr. Miranda. She wanted her break and made it happen.
Feels like a scene/preview from an upcoming TV episode tho. Curious to know of Tilli makes an appt and how the one with Dorian goes.
I’m glad you liked it!
I would recommend that Dr. Miranda use Bob Newhart’s two-word therapy method in this case. But then again, I recommend Bob Newhart’s two-word therapy method be used on everybody in therapy.
Hmm. Not sure Tilli would respond well. But I guess she could always try it.
Hmm.. Well, if the patient isn’t responding to the two-word method, Dr. Miranda could always try Bob Newhart’s ten words of follow-up. Works every time!
Hmm…glad this fairy’s moved on to another animal instead of the usual toad.
Very clever, very funny (and fun!) take on the Dorian tale. Great job!
I loved this and your unique take on Dorian Gray! And I sympathize with poor Dr. Miranda. Hilarious!