By Stoney M. Setzer
“So everybody was panicking and stuff,” Joe Enza said, his paunchy midsection protruding from under the unit. “Finally, I asked them, ‘Did any of you bother to check the breaker box?’ Lo and behold, the breaker was flipped. I wrote the bill, but I made sure to hit them for another twenty bucks just because they were thick-headed and stuff.”
“Fine, but do you think you can fix our problem?” Marquis snapped, looking anxiously at the temperature readings. The coolant sensor was inoperative, essentially transforming the reactor core into a ticking time bomb. Nicknamed “Mr. Fix-It,” Enza was reputedly a gifted repairman, but so far he’d burned thirty minutes with one story after another as he poked around. Now the timer had gone under four minutes and was counting down. Why had the plant kept this windbag on the payroll for so long? “If you can’t get that sensor working soon, everything within a ten mile radius is toast!”
“Buddy, I’m trying, but I’m having a hard time with my left hand and stuff. Mouse bit me right between my thumb and index finger.”
“A mouse bit you? Seriously?”
“I can’t make this stuff up. Did my assistant Leroy come out here earlier? Goofy looking guy with buck teeth?”
“Yeah. Why?”
“Figures. Knucklehead gives my department a bad name. Seems like I spend half my time running behind him, trying to fix what he messes up and stuff. There was this one time he….”
3:18 left on the timer. Marquis watched as the readings climbed into the red zone. “So can you shut up and fix this already?”
Abruptly, Enza pushed his way out from under the unit. His dark hair was long on the sides and bald on top, and his entire head glistened with sweat. “Yeah, I can fix it, but not with you talking to me that way.”
“What way?” Marquis’s eyes darted nervously from Enza to the monitor. 2:32 until meltdown.
“Like a dog. The way everybody else seems to.” He smiled from the side of his mouth, but it sent a chill down Marquis’s spine. “Everybody wants their problems solved and their equipment fixed, but nobody respects me.”
“Nobody? What about your wife?”
The repairman looked as if he’d been slapped. “Shows how much you pay attention! I don’t have a wife anymore! I have two ex-wives, and both of them left me for other guys. Only made it six months before the second one ditched me. In fact, they’d all be right there in the fallout zone if I just let this thing run its course. Both my exes and their new men.”
The timer continued to tick off the seconds, now reading 2:12 until full meltdown. Marquis’s forehead felt clammy with sweat. “I…I’m sorry. I had no idea,” he stammered, his dry throat tightening.
“Yeah, well, I didn’t either; not till it was too late. But you see, no respect.”
1:57. Marquis wiped his brow. “Look, I’ve got an ex-wife myself, so I understand wanting a little revenge. But if that reactor blows, then a lot of innocent people would die, too!”
Enza’s expression drew itself into an inscrutable mask. “That would be pretty bad.”
“Not to mention that we would die too, along with everybody else in this building! And if you want revenge against your exes, wouldn’t you at least like to live to see it?”
“Sure, but revenge against them ain’t the point. The point is you being disrespectful to me. Talking to me like a dog and stuff.”
1:35. “What?”
“See, nobody’s too interested in me, other than what they can use me for. People notice me when they need something from me, but otherwise I might as well be the invisible man. People like you only see what I can do for them, but they never see me.”
“But…”
Enza smirked as he held up his ringless left hand. “I’ve been doing work for you for twenty years. Angela walked out on me two years ago, and you didn’t know it till now?”
Marquis couldn’t defend himself. Nothing could possibly justify that kind of ignorance. “Look, I apologize. I should have paid attention. That’s inexcusable on my part. I’m sorry.”
Enza’s lopsided smile grew. “Gotta admit, that’s more than I thought I’d get.”
1:05. Trying his best not to yell, Marquis asked, “So, do you think you could get this thing fixed before…?”
“Sure thing.” Enza crawled back under the console. Immediately, there was one loud click, and the countdown to system failure stopped abruptly. Seconds later, the temperature readings began to lower as the coolant sensor began its work.
“You were that close to having the thing fixed?” Marquis asked as the repairman emerged.
“Oh, yeah. I had already gotten to the final step and stuff. No way would I have really let it blow.”
“Even if I hadn’t apologized?”
“Well, if you know me, you know I wouldn’t really let anybody die, not even my two exes. I just wanted to get my point across.”
Marquis wiped his brow and took a deep breath. “Point taken. Look, if you don’t have anything planned for supper tomorrow night, I’m sure Helen wouldn’t mind if you joined us.”
“I’d like that. I bet I’ve got a couple stories she’d love.”
Hopefully they don’t make her leave me. “Uh, sure, that sounds great.”
“Speaking of which, did I ever tell you about the time that I had to rewire our entire air conditioning system in the middle of a heat wave?”
“No, I don’t think you have.” Marquis actually had heard that story at least twice, but he wasn’t about to point that out now.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Ironic that Joe can fix anything except his marriage(s).
Well, relationships can be far more complicated than machines, right? Lol
Thanks for reading!
I like the Chesterton theme (everyone overlooks the “common” man) paired with Joe Enza. Great story.
Thank you! It seemed like the best angle to take with that character. I’m glad you enjoyed it.
Very clever and suspensful tale; glad to see Joe wasn’t a bad guy.
Thank you! Definitely not a bad guy…just someone who wants to be understood, just like the rest of us. Glad you enjoyed it!
Oh Joe! Using a potential explosion to make his point. At least he gets a dinner and company out of it :) great story!
Thank you! Glad you enjoyed it!