The ‘Zilla’ in Bridezilla

By R.L. Nguyen

Daydream Bridal Boutique Summer Sample Sale!

I prop the sign festooned with cursive alliteration on its stand and peer out the display window. Chattering women crowd the sidewalk like penguins on an ice floe.

“Opening in five, ladies!” Our manager Eugenia strolls through the showroom, shooing consultants in black pantsuits toward the front. “How’s the turnout, Mary?”

I scan the herd of high ponytails and higher heels outside. “Effervescent.” My pause must have given me away. Eugenia stops mid-stride.

“You don’t sound so sure.”

“Oh, I’m sure.” I bend over to fluff a glitter tulle skirt. “For now.”

The Summer Sample Sale is our most popular annual event. Brides from all over the city descend to buy discounted stock. Best prices in town, limited availability, July only. With a chance of bridezilla brawls.

“As long as there’s no eye-gouging like last year, we’ll survive.” Eugenia can laugh. She’s a three-time state fair arm-wrestling champion—nobody’s going to throw stilettos at her.

I, on the other hand, am five-foot-four. With mythical brides flocking to Daydream after my gorgon client spread the word, spiked footwear might be the least of my worries. Female fauns aren’t afraid to use their horns.

After years of working here, I can survive any bridal appointment. But the Summer Sample Sale’s more of a gladiatorial game.

“Remember, two-hundred-dollar bonus to whoever can sell the cathedral train Maison Penelope,” Eugenia adds, waving her clipboard. Groans rise like champagne bubbles. We’ve been trying to evict that backless, pearl-encrusted monstrosity from the stockroom for eighteen months. No takers.

“Here we go, ladies. Doors open in… three, two, one!” Eugenia swings the shop’s double doors wide and steps onto the sidewalk. “Welcome to the Summer Sample Sale—who’s ready to feel like a daydream?”

A tidal wave of perfume and jewelry crashes into the foyer as brides flood the entryway. No scheduled appointment times or client lists today. It’s every consultant for herself.

My colleagues flag down the first bride they can catch—human, feathered, goat-legged—like we’re awkward kids hitting our deadline to find a prom date. Bea is already showing sweetheart dresses to an echidna. Cait has a ranting brunette who hates lace. Right on schedule, there’s already bickering; two gorgons’ snakes bare fangs over the same chiffon sheath.

I take a deep breath. You’re Consultant of the Year. You can boss snakes around in your own store.

“Ma’am? Are you a consultant?” A crackly voice pulsates through the high-pitched chaos. Spinning on my heel, I scan the shop floor.

There. Scaly, dark green, yellow-eyed. A bipedal lizard towers over the rest of the room like a topper on a layer cake. She’s stooping to tap June, our youngest consultant, on the shoulder with an enormous claw.

Oh no. June’s still jumpy after a harpy scolded her last week. If she has to lace a literal bridezilla into a corset, she might faint.

If I can boss a snake, surely I can negotiate with a lizard.

“I can help you, ma’am!” I charge through the crowd, darting between the dress racks. The lizard turns, craning her neck in my direction.

“I’ve got you!” Waving my arms, I hop over a customer’s satin train as she twirls in front of the wall mirror, and skid to a halt at the lizard’s feet.

Her saw-toothed spine scrapes the crystal chandelier as she straightens.

“I’m Mary, and I’d love to be your consultant today.” Pulse swing-dancing in my chest, I extend my hand upward. Stay calm. Worst comes to worst, call Eugenia.

She takes my hand with a paw the size of a dinner plate. “I’m Blake.” Her voice is mellower up close.

“Blake.” I nod. “What can I help you find today?”

“I don’t know.” Those three words and her headshake strike more dread through me than her height. “I’ve had trouble finding something that works with—this whole situation.” She gestures at her spines and thick tail, coiled around the tiara counter and out of the stampede.

Definitely not a job for June, who Eugenia’s pairing up with a timid blonde.

But as Ashley the gorgon can attest, I don’t let any bride, reptile or otherwise, leave without a dress she loves.

“Let’s start with what you like, instead of what you’re afraid won’t fit.” After all, Ashley didn’t think she could wear a princess ballgown. Never say never.

Blake’s golden eyes light up. Is it true that giant lizards breathe atomic fire? “I like vintage things. Lace, long trains…” I’m already measuring her tail with my eyes. Six, maybe seven feet.

“… oh, and pearls,” she exclaims.

Long train. Pearls.

What are the chances?

I snap my fingers. “I know just the thing. I’ll be right with you.”

Eugenia shoots me an inquiring look as I dash for the stockroom.

Flinging the door open, I glance over the racks. Our manager left the Maison Penelope hanging just inside, a clear hint to the consultants.

I heave the bursting garment bag over my shoulder and haul it to the tiara counter. Blake’s clicking her claws together anxiously.

“What do you think of this?” I unzip the bag, spilling out yards of off-white silk. Milky pearls shimmer across the bodice. “This train is eight feet long, so it’ll fit your tail. And it’s backless.”

The glow on her face isn’t atomic fire, that’s for sure. “I love it.” She holds the train up to the light with a wistful look. “Do you think it’ll fit?”

“It’s eighty percent off, so we can use the savings to alter it.”

Under any other circumstances than a smile, her bared teeth would be terrifying. “I’ll take it.”

Another day, another happy bride.

Across the showroom, Eugenia’s eyes sparkle as she mouths, “Two hundred dollars.”

I wink back.

Forget the bonus. Learning I can put a smile even on a bridezilla’s face is enough reward for today.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

R. L. Nguyen is a child of immigrant parents who found her place to belong in fictional worlds. Her classical education and studies at the Author Conservatory feed her quest after truth and beauty. When she’s not writing magical characters finding victory in darkness, she can be found reading Shakespeare, singing opera, and training her dogs in rural South Carolina.

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