By John Leatherman
Entering the sprawling bullpen at Inter-Consolidated Global, I noticed a sprig of colorful balloons sprouting from my cubicle. Clearly someone else knew what today was.
Tina Vallejo, the cute, freckled brunette who issued my ID badge last May, taped up the last of the glistening neon streamers over my workstation. “Happy birthday, Doug!”
I plopped down my laptop case. “Thanks, Tina.” So unfair. Working in HR, she could access everyone’s personnel files. I’d have remembered her birthday too, if only I knew it.
She handed me a gold foil envelope. “I got you two tickets!”
“Tickets to what?”
She winked, giving her nose an alluring crinkle. “Just open it!”
Inside were two oblong beige slips stamped VIOLATION in red like traffic tickets. I gasped, then looked closer. The charges were “Public Decency” and “Orderly Conduct,” reported by Officer Hi Gotcha.
Tina giggled, her brown eyes sparkling. “April fools! Made them with DocPro. Convincing, huh?”
“Yeah, Tina, you’re pretty…” I stammered. “…funny.”
I’d daydreamed about her ever since I joined ICG, making daily detours past her desk just to say hi. Why did she have to reciprocate today—the worst of all possible days?
At 8:37 a.m., I’d be gone, but checking my watch meant looking away from her.
Tina leaned against my desk, wafting her flowery scent toward me. “Must be weird having an April Fools birthday.”
“Oh, not really…” Except for what was about to happen.
I blacked out. Too late—it was 8:37, the exact moment of my birth twenty-six years ago.
When I came to, I was in a different office—private, mahogany paneled—behind a desk rivaling my cubicle in surface area. Panoramic Plexiglas widows overlooked a sprawling cityscape.
I had undergone my annual body swap with Doug-Prime. He was me in an alternate reality where instead of shyness, I had ambition.
Here, I sat at the helm of Rocket Fool, the billion-dollar investment conglomerate Doug-Prime founded in high school with earnings from his stint in the boy band Foolz4u.
Operations VP Gina Morton, a svelte young lady with flaming red tresses, crept into the office, voice trembling. “Doug, can you come to the main conference room? There’s a bit of an emergency.”
I entered the hallway, unsure which doorway to use until I noticed one crisscrossed with yellow crime scene tape. Cautious, I ducked under.
Doug-Prime’s employees bustled around a table holding a vast, candle-studded sheet cake frosted with the Rocket Fool logo. “April fools! Happy birthday, Doug!”
Déjà vu. Sort of. I liked the joke better as the boss.
I circulated through the crowd to thank everyone and noticed several wearing visitors’ badges—friends of Doug-Prime invited by Gina. One approached me—Howard Cheesefield, director of Total Camp, a kids’ movie with a Foolz4u cameo. “Doug, old buddy! Have you heard I’m making the Comet Woman movie?”
“That sounds exciting.”
“It will be, and you can be part of it. How does an executive producer credit sound?”
Expensive. Definitely a Doug-Prime decision. “Howard, it’s my birthday! Come by the office tomorrow and we can talk business.”
He clutched my arm, eyes wide. “Tomorrow could be too late. We’re over budget, and the studio’s ready to pull the plug!”
Eager to help Howard without risking Doug-Prime’s money, I had the accountants craft some creative financing. It took several hours, but I ensured Doug-Prime would get full compensation if Comet Woman flopped or failed to release.
***
After I returned to the party, Gina nudged me. “Glad you’re having a good birthday, Boss, but don’t overdo it. Perhaps you need a ride home?”
I hadn’t had any alcohol, but maybe I’d been acting strange. Plus, I didn’t know where Doug-Prime lived now—and I needed to get his body back home before the switch back at midnight.
“Good idea.” Feigning tipsiness, I stumbled to my feet. “Lead the way to my car.”
***
In the passenger seat of Doug-Prime’s sleek red Porsche, I watched tall palms whip past as Gina chauffeured me along the sunset-tinged coastal highway.
She tapped my shoulder. “It’s you, isn’t it? The other Doug?”
“Huh?” Should I still play drunk?
“Missing your whole party just to avoid a little risk? No way my Doug would do that.”
I hesitated. “He told you about me, huh?”
Gina blushed. “Yeah. He thought I should know.”
As she maneuvered a sharp right curve, I noticed the glint of her engagement ring. “Ah. Congratulations.” I groaned. “You both must think I’m pathetic.”
“No. People think he’s impulsive—then you pull something like a five-hour Comet Woman negotiation that throws everyone off. Thanks to you, he always has the edge. Why? Do you feel pathetic?”
“No, I feel…” I slumped back. “Tired. Body swaps exhaust me.”
“Of course.” Turning onto the driveway of Doug-Prime’s seaside bungalow, Gina punched the garage door opener. She parked next to Doug-Prime’s other vehicle, a sky-blue BMW.
We exited the Porsche, and Gina approached the house. “So, are you okay with me, uh…”
“Certainly.” I offered her the key. “Take the Porsche home. I’ll drive the BMW tomorrow.”
Gina sighed. “Right. Exactly what I was going to suggest.” Taking the key, she hugged me. “See you next year, Other Doug.”
I shuffled upstairs and collapsed onto the bed.
Absolutely I felt pathetic, but not for the obvious reason. I never strove to be a superstar-tech-bro-CEO-movie-mogul like Doug-Prime. The few days I’ve spent in his life assured me I couldn’t handle the pressure. But at least I hoped to be married before him.
***
The grating buzz of my 6:00 a.m. alarm informed me that I’d returned to my own body in my non-spacious, non-seaside apartment. I flailed at the nightstand to silence the sound.
I rolled toward the edge of the mattress, but something grabbed my arm.
From the covers on other side of the bed, Tina emerged, clad in my IGC tee. “Don’t get up yet, Dougie. Let’s enjoy our honeymoon.”
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Very clever premise. Well done!
Thank you! I’m glad you enjoyed it!
This has such fun twists!
a well-spun yarn…
Great thought-provoking story! Something I read once amounts to this: What would I do if I wasn’t afraid? This story gives some great possibilities to that question.
So glad it made you think!
Ohh, that was fun! The twist at the end was good–I saw it coming but NOT quite as far as you went. Very nice.
Thanks, I’m glad you liked it!
Fun!
Hi John,
I really like it. It has a great flow and fast pace. The whole idea of switching bodies is SO UNIQUE. Could be good for a movie. I have one problem…a small one….the ending.
Tina doesn.’ become Gina or does she. Or Tina does the body switching too. I would add a little more physical description of Tina and Gina. Tina works in the HR office and Gina is high level executive. What do they look like? Honeymood inplies already married. Maybe the party could really be their wedding reception. Anyway as usual your work is brilliant and I had to read it twice and then I felt so happy that you wrote this story.
Hi John,
I really like it. It has a great flow and fast pace. The whole idea of switching bodies is SO UNIQUE. Could be good for a movie. I have one problem…a small one….the ending.
Tina becomes Gina? Tina does the body switching too? Tina works in the HR office and Gina is high level executive. What do they look like? Honeymood inplies already married. Maybe the party could really be their wedding reception. As usual your work is brilliant and I had to read it twice and then I felt so happy that you wrote this story.
OH, NO!! 😂
That’s a bit of a surprise ending…