By John Leatherman
“Doctors, we have a murderer among us.” Standing at the lectern boulder at the center of base camp, Dr. Angela Mansfield glared in turn at each of her three surviving colleagues. Each were seated on logs around the council circle, every shocked face bathed in an amber glow from the setting sun behind her. Despite the warm January breeze, the atmosphere turned Antarctic.
“This evening,” she continued, “after Dr. Craig Osgood failed to show for dinner, while the rest of you assumed he would show up eventually, I conducted a search and found him near the smoldering remains of an unsanctioned campfire one klick northeast of base. He was in a comatose state. I tried to take his pulse and found none.”
Murmurs bubbled between the three. Angela rapped her coconut gavel to silence them. “Look, I know you all secretly resent him for winning next year’s Penobbscott Fellowship. But I thought we were all professionals here. As members of the South Pacific Pinniped Research Expeditionary Enterprise, you were each issued one of these.” Pulling her large silver tranquilizer pistol from its holster and displaying it to the assembly, she locked eyes with each scientist. “You all took the training. You all knew that its dissolving, biodegradable pellets had one intended purpose: to temporarily stun a sea lion without leaving any detectable scars. You all understood that the neurotoxin was strong enough to put a human into an instant coma.”
Stowing the weapon, she lowered her tone, enunciating every word.
“And this, my esteemed colleagues, is the most important detail: Dr. Osgood’s pistol was in its holster, which was securely snapped shut. This could not possibly be an accident or suicide.”
More murmurs erupted, and amid Angela’s furious gavel raps, Dr. Benjamin Nolan leaped to his feet. “Hold on now. If Craig died, that means we all get another shot at Penobbscott, including you. And you’re telling us you went off by yourself and just found him dead? No other witnesses? Can we see the body for ourselves?”
Angela bristled at the implied accusation. “I’m asking the questions here, Dr. Nolan. I want each of you to speak about the last time you saw Craig alive. I will permit no interruptions until each of you has given your testimony.”
Ben scoffed. “Excuse me, testimony? Who died and left you in charge?”
Angela pounded the gavel. “In case you weren’t paying attention, Craig died. And as the senior member of this expedition, I have always been in charge.”
Technically, Angela knew, since this uninhabited rock rose from New Zealand’s continental shelf, it lay under the jurisdiction of some mid-level Auckland bureaucrat in the Ministry of Local Government, but she saw no reason to bring that up. “Until the relief ship arrives from Christchurch next week, the sole authority on this island rests with me. And since you’re so eager, Dr. Nolan, I’ll hear from you first.”
With a gruff sigh, Ben shook his head. “Fine. I have nothing to hide. I last saw Craig at about 1:30 this afternoon, a klick south of base. He had an empty fishnet bag, which I now realize he took from my tent. I asked him if he could help me inspect our solar array, but he said he couldn’t because he’d promised to help David reinforce his listening post on the west shore. When I last saw him, he was opening a SPPREE barrel just outside the ylang-ylang grove.” He took his seat.
Dr. David Preston shouted, “Oh, the filthy liar!”
Angela turned to David. “I’ll decide who’s lying. Dr. Preston, I’ll hear your testimony next.”
“Gladly.” David leaped up. “I last saw Craig a klick southwest of base about 2:30. He had two blue runners in a fishnet bag. I now realize they’re the ones I caught yesterday and hid in that barrel. I asked if he could help with my listening post, and he said no, because he’d promised to help Elaine check the water purifier. When I last saw him, he was opening a SPPREE crate in the shadow of that big boulder that looks like a beached humpback.” He sat.
Dr. Elaine Quills shouted, “Oh, phocarctos hookeri feces!”
Angela stared at Elaine. “Dr. Quills, no need for that kind of language. I’ll clear up this whole matter, fecal and otherwise, once I hear your testimony.”
Elaine stood. “All right. I last saw Craig a klick northwest of base at about 3:30. He had a fishnet bag with two blue runners and three taro. I now realize they’re the taro I dug up yesterday and stashed in that crate. I asked if he could help me service the water purifier, but he said no—he’d promised to help Ben check the solar array! When I last saw him, he was climbing a feathered fuchsia tree with a SPPREE blanket tied around the trunk.”
Angela winced. “I’m sorry, do you mean the big spreading feathered fuchsia, just north of the geyser?”
Elaine nodded. “That’s the one.” She paused. “Don’t tell us—you stashed some food up there.”
Fists clenched, Angela shook her head. “Certainly not. I would never hide resources from my team. But that feathered fuchsia overlooks a clearing I found with a warm spring separate from our water supply. And it’s where, every day at 4 p.m., I take a private bath!”
Ben, David, and Elaine cringed. “Ew!”
A sleepy voice echoed from the jungle. “Hey, are you having a meeting without me?”
All four turned. “Craig?”
Craig shuffled into the center of the council circle. “Listen, since we’re all in one place, I have an announcement. Don’t eat the fruit from the feathered fuchsia tree. It’ll knock you out. I feel like I was in a coma.”
Angela, Ben, David, and Eileen each drew their tranq pistols, aimed at Craig, and fired.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Great ending! Made me laugh out loud.
Thank you! I’m glad you liked it.
Gotta say Craig probably deserved that one.
Hee, hee, hee! Glad it made an impression!
Lol fun story!
Thank you!
Nice, great how you show Craig’s character just through his actions.
I’m glad you enjoyed it!
That. Was Hilarious!!
So glad you enjoyed my first Thriller Thursday!