Human’s Advocate

By M. A. E. 

“You’ve dealt with tough cases before, Jinkens, but this Homo sapiens crew…” The Councilor rolls all four of his eyes.

“They’re a complicated group,” I admit, “but that’s expected with humans.” Actually, most of what I know about humans is only theoretical from my Universe-ity studies, but I intend to learn as much as possible about these space-zone trespassers.

“Your access is approved.” Councilor waves me toward the Trespassers Holding Dock.

I walk through the maze of corridors on our space station and locate the correct THD cell. This is not our largest cell—some of our invaders are truly enormous—but it’s big enough for a half-dozen humans to comfortably occupy. I scan my credentials and slip through the opaque portal. My human studies courses didn’t prepare me for the scene playing out inside.

Bam! I wince as one man’s fist slams against the table. His fellow crewman, who sits across from him and apparently forced this action, appears delighted.

“Take that, smart mouth.” He lifts his elbow from the table and flexes the muscles in his right arm. I once read that humans, especially males, use this action as a show of athletic prowess.

“What’s going on?” My voice is drowned out by their laughter.

The loser of this strange contest, who I expected to be severely injured—sources say that his kind are fragile creatures—laughs too and joins the general chatter. Their leader, whom they call Captain, stands aside overlooking the scene with an amused expression. Noticing my presence, she adjusts the translator clipped to her uniform and silences the crew with a snap of her fingers.

The defeated crewman turns around. “Hey, Four Eyes is back!”

The crewmate next to him slaps him on the back of the head.

“Ow.” He rubs his cranial shell. “Okay, that was unnecessary.”

“Y-yes. I’ve returned,” I sputter, baffled by both the name they’ve chosen for me and their violent interactions. “Since our first meeting went well, I’m now your appointed representative before the Intergalactic Committee. We only have an hour to prep for the hearing.” What a shame that I don’t have more time to interact with these intriguing creatures.

“Hold up, Four Eyes. When do we get answers to our questions?”

My speech explaining IC procedures vanishes from the tip of my tongue. I scrutinize the crew member who spoke—Smart Mouth, I think his crewmate called him.

“The Intergalactic Committee doesn’t give intel to trespassers, Smart Mouth,” I explain. One of the humans snorts.

Captain steps forward. “We are not trespassers. I was chosen by our planet’s leaders to establish friendly relations with the civilizations beyond our solar system.”

“You call yourself an ‘ambassador,’ correct?” I scroll through the file holographically projected in front of me, searching for the case notes.

“Yes. I’m Captain Erica Geraldo, Earth Ambassador.”

“Yeah.” I shrug. “We don’t accept ambassadors. You humans entered a private space zone, unfortunately.”

We begin the hearing an hour later, and Captain insists on making the same speech. The Councilor gives her the same reply. Smart Mouth sighs. He’s the only crewman allowed at the hearing, since he navigated them into our zone. I’d tried to convince Captain they needed a plan B, but these humans seem unreasonably obstinate.

Councilor turns his steely gaze to me. “Have you forgotten the spy fiasco initiated by the last ambassador we approved?”

I bow hastily. “We accept the IC’s decision and plead for the humans’ immediate return to their home planet.”

“Approved.” Councilor raises the gavel.

“If you’re going to shut everyone out,” Smart Mouth pipes up, “you guys should broadcast a message warning people to keep away. Idiots.”

I jump out of my seat. “Apologies, Councilor.”

Councilor leans closer to the human. “How would we do that?”

“Radio frequencies. Duh.”

Councilor’s eyes light up. “Do you specialize in such things? We could use a human technology expert.”

“I volunteer!” Smart Mouth sits upright.

Captain stands, slamming her hands on the table. “I cannot surrender one of my own crew to a foreign—I mean an alien—power. I offer myself in his place.”

“No!” Councilor leans forward, scowling. “We do not accept ambassadors.”

“Wow.” Smart Mouth chuckles, laying a hand over the left side of his chest. I believe a vulnerable blood pumping organ resides there. “I didn’t know you cared, Captain.”

I look back and forth between the two humans—one scowling, the other smirking. “We request a moment of private discussion,” I interject.

Councilor nods.

I whisper to Captain. “This is good. You can have a representative here without breaking our ambassador policy. Accept the offer. Please.”

Smart Mouth leans in. “Yeah, Cap. You don’t need me for the return trip. Honestly, this is hilarious. I’m the only one they’re willing to keep.”

Captain glares for a moment, then turns to me. “Keep him,” she hisses. “And you–” She points at her crewman. “Try not to embarrass all of humanity.”

I guide the human into the Intergalatic Tech lab. “Everyone, this is Smart Mouth.”

He taps my shoulder. “It’s Bryan, actually.”

“Oh?” Realization hits me. “Smart Mouth was just a, um… ” I frown and search for the right word.

“Nickname?” Bryan smirks. “Yep. What’s your real name, Four Eyes?”

“Jinkens. Welcome to your new home.”

Bryan splits off to greet his new coworkers. A shadow looms, and I turn to find Councilor standing behind me.

“Excellent work, Jinkens. Keep it up, and you’ll take my place on the IC in a few solar rotations.”

“Thank you, Councilor.” I bow. “But my only ambition is to learn as much about other lifeforms as possible and someday teach others about them.”

“They’re complicated, as you said.” He raises both sets of eyebrows. Laughter resounds across the IT lab.

“It’s called ‘arm wrestling,’” Bryan explains to the group. A debate begins over which appendage his four-armed coworker should use.

“Yes, sir.” I smile. “They’re also pretty funny. I think we’ll learn a lot from this one.”

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

M. A. E. is passionate about all things creative and can usually be found painting, baking, reading, writing, or discussing sci-fi film plots. She believes that imagination and creativity are gifts from God for His glory and our joy and encouragement.

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