By J. M. Allison
“Off with her head!”
“First the sentencing, then the case,” chanted the courtiers.
Alice bobbed a quick curtsy as best she could while being held between two burly guards. “If you please, Your Majesty, might I know why I’m here?”
“Don’t play coy with me, child!” The Queen pursed her lips. A scowl highlighted her angular features that may have been considered beautiful if not soured by suspicion and greed.
Alice glanced up at the guard on her left who looked away. She glanced at her other guard. He also avoided eye contact. She peered around their bulk, searching for a friendly face who might help explain her summons and forcible appearance before the Queen. Her eyes settled on the Hatter.
“Please, sir,” Alice called to the wiry little man, “Oh, please can you tell me the charges?”
“The charges are obvious,” echoed a lazy, silky voice.
Alice’s head swiveled in search of the source.
“Obvious, indeed,” muttered the Queen.
“Well, if it is obvious, Your Majesty, shouldn’t I know what it is?”
“Open your eyes, child!” The Queen rose from her overly jeweled throne and stalked forward. “It was here, and now it’s not! Tell me where you hid it!” She stomped her foot like a petulant child.
“I can’t tell you what I don’t know, Your Majesty.”
“Can’t or won’t,” the lethargic disembodied voice floated through the hall, “Both will get you nowhere.”
Alice scowled, recognizing the voice. Figures that cheeky Cheshire would be where he shouldn’t. He’d ruin everything.
“Where is it?” the Queen repeated, pointing one pudgy finger.
Alice peered in the direction indicated to a large statue of the Queen herself, intricately carved from one solid piece of red jade. Jewels accented the statue to give the illusion of a crown and dress. Alice glanced back and forth between the statue and the Queen. They appeared the same, except the living Queen wore a large diamond necklace whilst the chest of the statue lay unadorned.
“The red Sapphire Heart has been in my family for ages!”
“A necklace? Is that what this is about, Your Majesty? You wish for my help in finding your necklace?”
“Help?” The Queen’s voice rose to a shriek, her face turning decidedly pink.
“I can help, Your Majesty!” The Hatter sprinted forward, his wild hair and bright mismatched attire flapping with each step.
“Good! Find me my jewel, Hatter, or else!”
“Yes, oh yes, we’ll find what we must!” he sang, then spun to face Alice.
“Please, Mister Hatter, I promise I haven’t touched the jewel.”
“Well, of course you haven’t!” The Hatter propped his fists on his hips and nodded enthusiastically at her. “It would be suicide to steal from the Queen. You’d have to be mad to attempt such a thing.”
“I assure you, I’m not mad.” Alice gave a small smile.
The Hatter leaned close and stared into Alice’s face.
“Well, my Queen.” He spun to face the throne. “I believe the case is settled. She’s not mad. In fact, she appears quite happy. So she’s most certainly innocent. But, as the suspect couldn’t be anyone around here, and she is not from around here, she must be guilty.”
The Queen jumped to her feet, her face alight with triumph. “I knew it! Off with her head!”
“What?” Alice gasped.
“Off with her head! Off with her head!” chanted the courtiers.
The guards dragged Alice toward the back of the hall. “Wait! Mister Hatter! Please, Your Majesty! I didn’t do it! By your own admission, only someone mad could have done it. So, wouldn’t the Hatter be the most likely suspect? He is mad, after all!”
“Stop!”
Silence fell around the room, and the guards froze. All eyes turned towards the Hatter.
“Oh dear. Well, I do see how one might think that…” His fingers twitched, tugging at the hem of his worn waistcoat. “But would a madman aid a friend who might accuse him of the very thing he attempted to prove she didn’t do? Of course not! Therefore, I could not have committed this crime, Your Majesty.”
The Queen paced. Her beady eyes darted back and forth between Alice and the Hatter. “If neither of you did it, then who?”
Alice glanced around. “If I might suggest, Your Majesty, there is one who has a history of this type of behavior. Perhaps you might inquire of the Knave.”
The Queen’s jaw dropped, then snapped shut as a malicious greed sparked in her eyes, “Finally! The Knave! Off with his head!” Then she hiked up her skirts and charged out of the throne room.
“Off with his head! Off with his head!” echoed the court as they scurried after her.
The guards released Alice and rushed to follow the commotion.
Alice peered after them. “Well, they’re all quite mad, aren’t they?”
“Everyone’s mad about something,” a languid voice echoed around the empty room.
“And everyone calls me mad,” muttered the Hatter, sending Alice a sly grin.
“It’s only madness if you can’t see the creativity. Cheshire?” Alice folded her arms and waited. The cheeky feline could be unreliable, but he’d been the linchpin of their plan.
“Seeing is believing, and believing helps you see.” The striped cat slowly materialized, lounging across the Queen’s throne, a large red gem hanging from his neck and suspended by a string of diamonds.
“Well done, my friend.” She removed the necklace and dropped it into her apron pocket. “I’ll see everyone back at the little house. I have plans for our next target.”
“Don’t keep us in suspense.” The Hatter leaned forward, his eyes flashing with a frantic gleam.
“Have you ever heard of the Vorpal sword?”
The Hatter gasped. “It’s genius!” He swept off his hat and bowed.
“Pure madness!” The cat’s grin stretched even more.
“Perhaps a bit of both.” Alice smiled then grabbed hold of the Cheshire as the creature faded into nothing, transporting them both back to safety.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Great heist story, JM! The characters held true to their natures. Felt like I was there in Wonderland.
Thank you so much! This one was so much fun to write, I’m so glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for reading. 🙂
For more about my stories, you can also check out my website. Jmallisonauthor.com.
Quick thinking on Alice’s part to escape via Cheshire Cat.
Makes a very convenient mode of transportation. As long as the cat listens to you. 😉
Your stories are delightful as I picture you reading them to my great grand children.
Wouldn’t it be fun to illustrate the story with costumes for the main characters?
Nice! True to the characters, and lots of fun to read. Love the ending.
So glad you enjoyed it! Thanks for reading. 🙂
So something in direct contact with the cat can become invisible as well…. Interesting…. Transitive invisibility. Perhaps, in Alice’s wonderland, that’s why air is invisible. When the last of the line of the Cheshire Cat dies, air will turn opaque, and everything will turn dark. Everyone will think they’ve gone blind simultaneously. Let’s hope the Cheshire Cat finds his special someone soon!
Everyone going blind at the same time probably wouldn’t be the strangest thing in Wonderland. They’re all a bit mad anyway…. 😉 Finding a pretty kitty for Cheshire….that might be more difficult…Thanks for reading! 😀
Love the sting op, Lisa! Such a fun story!
Glad you liked it! Can’t wait to read yours on the 8th!
Oh my goodness I ADORE this story!! You mastered the nonsensical Wonderland dialogue, and all the little references were so fun! And what an ending!! So good!!
Wow! A heist! Such a fun story!