By Emily Hutnyak
My Uncle Joe is an overachiever. He’s fulfilled legendary quests for the Queen, survived the krakens of the southern oceans, and is the only merchant who hasn’t been robbed by pirates—if you believe his hours-long tales.
Uncle Joe’s exploits nearly always took place out on the high seas, inaccessible to anyone but his crew. But getting tangled up with a loose dragon on the docks was new to the fearless Captain Enza, and I had no intention of missing this adventure.
Gagging on the stench of unwashed bodies mixed with the bitter sea air, I shoved through the townspeople gathered at the docks.
Chatter filled the air, and everyone pushed each other to get a closer look at the overgrown lizard clinging to the rigging of an unfamiliar ship.
Chills ran up and down my spine. The rumors of a dragon on the loose were true. But where was Uncle Joe? Had the dragon eaten him for a late lunch?
Eyeing the beast, I edged closer till I broke through the crowd and stood alone on the gangplank to the sleek, black vessel. Still no Uncle Joe, and I was now far too close to the—
With a flame-spitting yawn, the fat green dragon opened its beady eyes. Its gaze locked on mine, and with a gargled roar, it launched toward me.
I hit the deck moments before it did. Apparently, no one taught this dragon that wings could stop oneself from face-planting.
It let out a weak whimper, a wisp of smoke rising from its nostrils.
Trembling, I rose and carefully skirted the dazed reptile, eyeing the deck for signs of wreckage. I was shocked the creature didn’t blast clear through the ship.
A dragon on a ship was a recipe for disaster—but even more, it definitely provided the ingredients for one of Uncle Joe’s wild tales. One I was a part of.
“Bubbles!” Uncle Joe charged up from below decks, huffing. “Blast that beast.”
I stared at him, taking in his frilly black-and-red suit and tricorn hat. Gone were his practical merchant’s attire and calm, collected air. He seemed to be at his wit’s end, and I understood.
One wasn’t normally faced with a half-coherent mass of emerald scales and smoke.
Uncle Joe’s gaze landed on me. “Robert. What brings you here?”
I nodded at the dragon, which made a snuffling noise akin to snoring. “I heard the rumors.”
He swept his tricorn off and rubbed his ever-growing bald spot. “Looks like Bubbles will sleep for a while. Come below decks so we can discuss him and stuff.”
I squared my shoulders and nodded. “Let’s.”
***
Sitting in a hammock that swayed with the ship’s gentle rocking, I watched Uncle Joe pace the tiny cabin. “So. What’s with the dragon?”
He snatched a newspaper off the table and shoved it at me. “Read the headline, lad.”
I accepted it and smoothed it out. “Wanted: First mate in the service of Her Majesty. Pays well. Must be willing to work with dragon, training experience preferable.” I looked up, raising my eyebrow. “You’re the first mate of this ship? And you’re training the dragon?” Surely he had more sense than that.
Uncle Joe stopped his pacing, settling in the hammock across from me. It creaked under his substantial build. “Ah… no. I put that ad in the newspaper.”
My surprise must’ve shown on my face, because he offered his typical half-smile and leaned back in his hammock, eyes gleaming. “Well, you see, Robbie, it was like this. Her Majesty met with me a month or so ago after hearing one of my tales at the royal ball. I’d shoved my way into a seat on the dais and was telling the story of the time I beat those pirates clear out of—”
The ship shook with uneven thuds that I could only assume were Bubbles’ footsteps. “Skip to the end, please?”
He sighed. “I see. No details and stuff. Well, I’m now Her Majesty’s official privateer, charged with keeping her seas free of pirates and stuff.”
“Privateer?” Was he serious? “That’s the same thing as a pirate, isn’t it?”
He shook his head, holding up a hand. “No. Pirates are illegal. I’m legal, but I do get to keep any booty and stuff that I may… find.”
“And where does the dragon come in?”
He flashed me another one of his half-smiles. “Well, she said he’d be good for the intimidation factor.”
“That thing?” It intimidated me, but a braver soul wouldn’t have flinched.
“Mmm.” He stood, head nearly hitting the cabin ceiling, and tugged his tricorn back on. “Any ideas on how to get rid of him? He’s scared of the rats and tries to torch every bird that flies by. Plus, he’s nearly sunk the ship three times now, and don’t get me started on his appetite.”
“Give him back to the Queen and tell her you don’t need him?”
He winced. “She won’t take him back.”
I hesitated, a wild idea forming. “Take me as your first mate. I might have an idea how to get rid of Bubbles.” His fear of rats and birds for instance…
Uncle Joe raised an eyebrow. “You want a life out at sea, Robbie?”
A life on the wild ocean waves, living out legends with my hero of an uncle? “Uh, yes.”
He pushed his tricorn higher up on his head, frowning. “I guess you do know the ropes and stuff. You’ve done good work on the odd jobs when I’m in port.”
I grinned. “I’ll work hard, I promise!”
His smile remained at the corner of his mouth, but I could see the answer in his eyes even before he nodded and held out a hand. “Welcome aboard, Robert.”
Grinning wider, I shook his hand. “Time to get rid of a dragon.”
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Year later, when Joe wanted to retire, he took Robert to his cabin and he told him his secret. ‘I am not Joe Enzo’ he said. ‘My name is Ryan; I inherited the ship from the previous Joe Enzo, just as you will inherit it from me. The man I inherited it from is not the real Joe Enzo either. His name was Cummerbund. The real Joe Enzo has been retired 15 years and living like a king in Patagonia.’
Love the name Bubbles for the dragon! Very creative story, Emily!
Ahaha, I love it, Emily!! So witty and well done, and your take on Joe was fun! (Plus, you know I loved the chubby dino.)
Okay I’ll comment again because 3 comments is not so much
Hey Enzo! Dragons don’t belong on a boat, Really? Ever heard of EUSTACE?? !
Joe Enzo as a pirate = great idea!
Fun story – i like what you did with Joe and with Robert, too. They have a nice relationship in a nice story.