By Jim Doran
When facing a monster, espionage missions don’t have to be lethal.
Hopefully this is one of those times, Secret Agent Rebecca Edelweiss thought as she knocked on the cabin’s entrance. She squared her shoulders and put on her I mean business face while waiting for the creature to answer.
A bushy-haired, seven-foot man with rugged skin and eyebrows extending halfway up his forehead answered the door. His plaid shirt stretched across his muscular stature, towering over his five-foot-five visitor. Rebecca—with her professionally styled hair, red suit jacket, and gray pressed pants—stood tall in his shadow. She poked him on the breastbone. “Remove the disguise, Lester.”
Lester rubbed his square jaw. “What are you doing here, Rebecca?”
Always the same question. As if they didn’t know.
Rebecca didn’t wait for his invitation and brushed past him, entering Lester’s mountain cabin. She detected a pine scent and a moist earthy smell.
Shutting the door, Lester adopted a sarcastic tone. “Won’t you come in?”
Rebecca noticed a package containing small plush toys next to the door. “You know why I’m here.”
Lester stiffened, then eyed an adjacent kitchenette. “I only now put on tea. Take a seat.”
Rebecca walked to the small table while Lester made for the kitchen counter. She selected a seat with a view of the cabin’s owner. While she didn’t expect him to run, she couldn’t be too sure. Her eyes darted to the fake family photos on the walls and the porcelain knick-knacks. The setup screamed domesticity. “You have a cozy place here, Lester.”
He returned with the kettle in one hand and two teacups in the other. His cup had an oversized handle. “Thanks.”
“Though you shouldn’t be living here at all.”
He placed everything he was carrying on the table. “Beats a cave.”
Lester chose a chair that groaned under his weight. Rebecca pulled a doily close to her seat. “Did you make the mask?”
Lester huffed. “Mask! I’m insulted! I would think you secret agents would recognize prosthetics. The process takes hours to apply.”
Lester set a teacup, spoon, and a variety of teabags in front of her. With his bare hand, he grabbed the base of the kettle with steam flowing from its spout, then tipped hot water into her cup.
Rebecca examined the tea bags. “Nice selection. Nice house. A little too nice for a yeti’s salary.”
Lester lifted his teacup with his beefy fingers, pinky extended. “I recently came into money.”
Oh come on! “Yes, selling merchandise about yourself. What a setup.”
Slurping, the yeti peered at the woman over the cup’s rim. “Oregon has not outlawed capitalism… yet.” He furrowed his brows. “That reminds me. I need to register to vote.”
Rebecca used the spoon to agitate the water. “The head office sent me here. Normally, I’m asked to retrieve rogue creatures, but in your case, I’m here to demand you shut down your website, Lester.”
“Oh, Rebecca, be reasonable. The store’s not hurting anything.”
She pointed at him. “You’re selling T-shirts of yourself with ‘Have you seen this beast?’ and ‘Oregon’s Most Wanted.’ Your job is to hide, not draw attention.”
Lester waved at her, shooing away her objection. “No one believes it.”
“Tourism in the area has increased forty percent.” Rebecca tapped her spoon on her saucer. “You’re not fooling anybody, Web Admin B. Foote.”
Her host grinned, displaying his jagged teeth.
Time to switch tactics. “This isn’t only about you. Shandlai had her foal yesterday. Six months from now, the nub on her head will sprout.”
The yeti reared back in surprise. Thought so. He didn’t know.
Slumping his shoulders, Lester hung his head. “I wasn’t aware. I’ll visit Shandlai tonight.”
“Your duty is to keep people away from those unicorns.” Now to change my tone to Disappointed Mother. “What happens when some tourist discovers them?”
Lester shifted, and the chair groaned again.
Rebecca rapped her knuckles on the table. “What if they’re captured?”
Lester set his cup on the yellow, flowery doily. “You’ve made your point. Tell the office I’ll resume terrorizing the countryside tonight. But Rebecca, must I take the website down?”
Rebecca sipped her tea. “Not my call. But you know what the office will say.”
The yeti bit his lip, then beamed at her. “I guess it’s not so bad.”
Uh oh. Rebecca took a deep breath. “What’re you scheming now?”
Lester spread his hands as if flattening out an invisible banner on a wall. “A going-out-of-business sale.”
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
This had me chuckling throughout! Love the idea of a yeti with his own website! I also liked the Paul Bunyan description at the beginning. Great story!
Thank you, faithful reader (as always)!
This is really brilliant. The subtle worldbuilding, the banter between the characters…yeah I would like to read more of this.
Thank you so much.
What a wonderful legendary creature to launch the Legendary season! Was happy to see your name come up on the social graphics, Jim. And this is such a cute story. Love imagining a yeti protecting a bunch of unicorns in the Oregon forest!
Thank you, so much. I’m very honored to be the first story.
I loved how… of course it was the yeti, and of course he has a website and of course he’s friends with a unicorn. It just seemed natural the way you trickled these facts in without directly explaining it to the reader. Smooth and funny.
Thank you! Glad you liked it.
Loved this one!
A truly fun look into the more entrepreneurial side of mythical (and not-so-mythical!) creatures…
Thank you!
I like this yeti. He’s got drive.
He’s thinking outside of the box. Thank you.
What a fun read and a refreshing take on the yeti. Thanks for sharing!
I appreciate the comment! Thank you.
“You’re not fooling anybody, Web Admin B. Foote.” Had me howling with laughter. Nice one!
Glad you enjoyed it.
Lol this was fun!
Thank you.
This is really fun. Great concept.
Appreciate the feedback.