The Mushroom Conundrum

By Rachel Dib

Dr. Miranda eyed the teenager perched before her. Tilli was a wisp of a girl with hot pink hair and delicate, almost pixie-like features. A lumpy burlap sack lay by her feet. Though she was curious about the bag’s contents, Dr. Miranda decided to wait for Tilli to explain.

“So, what brought you in today, Tilli?”

The teen pursed her lips, eyed Dr. Miranda with a raised brow, and shrugged. “I fell in love with a boy. He didn’t feel the same and started dating my best friend.”

Dr. Miranda nodded. Not such a hard case.

“So, I turned him into a mushroom.”

The therapist blinked. “Sorry?”

Tilli opened the sack, revealing variously sized gray-capped fungi. “I turned him into a mushroom. The problem is, he looks like all the other mushrooms, and I can’t figure out which one he is.”

Dr. Miranda forced her face to remain neutral as she studied the teen. Okay, not such an easy case… Unless of course she’s pranking me.

As if detecting the therapist’s skepticism, Tilli sighed and flicked her wrist.

Dr. Miranda’s stapler wiggled. Then, it grew legs. A moment later, the object hopped across the desk, no longer a stapler but a bulbous, brown toad.

So, she’s not crazy or pranking me. It’s magic. Dr. Miranda narrowed her gaze. “You’re one of the gnome-folk.”

In the blink of an eye, the “teen girl” changed. While she still sported the pink hair and delicate features, she now had purple skin with a reflective quality, somewhat like polished stone. She had also shrunk to the size of a four-year-old.

Tilli stared up at Dr. Miranda with sky blue, dewdrop-shaped eyes and shrugged. “I heard human therapists helped people fix their problems.”

Dr. Miranda tilted her head. “Yes, but—”

“Well, I have a problem.” Tilli presented the sack. “I never wanted Coilin to stay a mushroom forever. I only wanted to give him time to contemplate his erroneous ways.”

“As a mushroom?” Dr. Miranda lifted a brow.

“Can’t do much besides think as a mushroom,” Tilli pointed out.

“Mushrooms don’t have brains.”

“This one does. It’s tiny, but it exists.”

With an agitated sigh, Dr. Miranda shook her head. “And no one in your community can help you? I’m not exactly familiar with magical transformations.”

Tilli shifted in her seat. “Everyone is a bit annoyed with me at present.”

“Because you turned someone into a mushroom?”

“No, because I bought all the mushrooms at the market,” the gnome replied.

Dr. Miranda pressed her lips together, attempting to understand Tilli’s logic. She failed. “I don’t follow.”

“I transformed Coilin in my friend’s mushroom patch,” Tilli said with another flick of her hand.

The therapist was glad when nothing else on her desk transformed. “The same friend he’d started dating?”

Tilli nodded. “An ironic way to punish them both. He’d be in plain sight, but she wouldn’t be able to find him.”

“I see.”

“Anyway, before I could turn him back, her family harvested all the mushrooms.” Tilli leaned forward, eyes wide. “I panicked. I mean, I’d wanted Coilin to learn a lesson, not get eaten. So, I bought all the mushrooms, hoping to find him and transform him back.” She sunk down in her seat. “But now, everyone thinks I’m selfish for hoarding all the mushrooms.”

“You are selfish,” Dr. Miranda replied. “You were spurned and enacted revenge by turning your crush into a mushroom!”

Tilli tilted her head, face contemplative. “I don’t see the problem.”

“Of course you don’t.” Dr. Miranda squeezed the bridge of her nose. “I’m sorry, but I don’t know how I can help you.”

“You can help me by figuring out which of these is Coilin.” Tilli shook the bag. She then transformed back into her human form, stood, and dumped the sack’s contents atop the desk.

Dr. Miranda watched as mushrooms toppled from the bag, covering her desk’s entire surface. The toad, unable to hop away in time, disappeared beneath the load. Dr. Miranda briefly wondered if her stapler had just been squished.

“Your other patients say that you help them ‘see inside’ themselves,” Tilli said.

Dr. Miranda tensed. “You’ve talked to my other patients?”

“All of them.” Tilli grinned. “You came highly recommended.”

“Oh.” That explains Ms. Perkin’s annoyance over teens pestering her last week.

“I want you to use your technique to ‘see inside’ these mushrooms and detect which one contains Coilin’s essence.”

“That’s not how therapy—” Dr. Miranda paused as her gaze fell upon one mushroom in particular. There was definitely something odd about it.

Does it have an eye?

The eye blinked.

Yep. That’s an eye. Dr. Miranda bit her lip. Exhaling slowly, she plucked the mushroom from the pile and held it out to Tilli. “This one is Coilin.”

Tilli wrinkled her nose as she leaned forward to scrutinize the fungi. “Are you sure?”

The eye blinked again. Dr. Miranda swallowed. “Positive.”

Tilli accepted the mushroom, set it down in the chair, and flicked her wrist. Within moments, a green-eyed purple gnome had replaced the gray-capped fungus.

Coilin lowered his chin and crossed his arms. “Really, Tilli! A mushroom?”

“Serves you right.” Tilli snorted.

Coilin waved his hand and instantly grew to match Tilli’s height. “Do you know how much it hurts to get picked!”

“I suspect about the same as rejection.”

Coilin rolled his eyes. “You started ignoring me. I wanted to make you jealous.”

“Jealous?” A wry smile lifted Tilli’s lips. “I was doing the same.”

“Really?”

“I thought you were losing interest.” Tilli shrugged. “What else could I do but play hard to get?”

An impish grin lit up Coilin’s features. He took Tilli’s arm and swung her toward the door. “I knew you were the only gnome for me.”

Shaking her head, Dr. Miranda watched them go. “Gnome or human, youths are all communication deficient.” Her gaze fell on the mushrooms still littering her desk.

A muffled croak rose from the heap.

“At least my stapler is okay.”

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Rachel Dib is a stay-at-home mom of three small children. After marrying a soldier, she left her home state of South Carolina to live in random places across the United States. Her works of short fiction have been published by On the Premises Magazine, Havok Publishing, and Ye Olde Dragon Books. She has also had short stories published by Toasted Cheese Literary Journal under the name R.J. Snowberger.

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