How the Red Panda Got His Fluffy Earlobe

You’ve heard of MadLibs, right? Well, we’ve developed our own version of that zesty party game, thanks to the generous tech wizardry of Havok author Nathan Veyon. Today we feature the a story written entirely via the vivacious blind contributions of Animal Kingdom launch party attendees. While such absurdity is at its best when you get to participate in it, we think the hilarity stands the test of time. And repeat viewings.

Listen and/or watch this piece of hilarious ad lib fiction narrated on YouTube by HavokLib author Lisa Godfrees (recorded live at the Animal Kingdom launch party on Friday, October 28, 2022) or read it below.

A long time ago in the country of Lichtenstein, a young red panda was parkouring through the sky city looking for tacos. Little did he know, but a bombastic dragon was nearby, and she was hungry too.

Although the Dragon was very awkward, she set a trap for the poor red panda in the middle of the sky city. First, she puttered a hole. Then she lined it with tumbleweeds and poured spider webs all over them. Finally, she barked near the hole and yelled sporadically, “wOOOOoooooOOO!”

The young red panda heard her and honked. Before he knew it, he was slurping toward the Dragon’s hole. After forty-two steps, he saw the trap, but he didn’t have enough time to capitulate. He slipped and fell, and his mustache got stuck in the spider webs.

“Oh pineapples!!” the inky red panda cried. “Someone, help!”

The Dragon sneered down at the red panda with her thimble-sized vermillion teeth. “You poor anthology! I almost fainted into that hole myself. Of course, I can help you. Reach your earlobe toward me and I will pull you out.”

But the red panda was afraid of the dragon’s thimble-sized vermillion teeth, so he reached out his eyeball instead.

The dragon snatched it with her thimble-sized vermillion teeth and pulled, but the red panda was stuck maniacally in the spider webs.

“OH, THE PAIN!!” cried the little red panda. “You’re hurting me!”

One thing the Dragon forgot, or maybe she didn’t know, was that red pandas always travel in a murmuration. Having already heard the little red panda’s initial cry for help, his third cousin once removed on his maternal grandpa’s side was already on the way to his aid. Now, with his exclamation of “OH, THE PAIN!!” his third cousin once removed on his maternal grandpa’s side collided with the dragon’s fingernail with a loud weeOowwww.

The dragon fell into her own trap, crashing into the spider webs with her whole body, ratcheting the red panda’s earlobe until it sprang out of the spider webs and flew into the sky city with an eeeeeeeeeep!

When he stood up, his third cousin once removed on his maternal grandpa’s side gasped at his earlobe, which was now very fluffy. And that is how the red panda got his fluffy earlobe.

The moral of this story is: Thou shall not pass! When roaming the sky city searching for tacos, don’t go slurping when you hear a wOOOOoooooOOO or you might find yourself stuck in spider webs.

Related: Check out the first HavokLibs story, Birthday Balrog Blues.