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Birthday Balrog Blues

You’ve heard of MadLibs, right? Well, we’ve developed our own version of that hilarious party game, thanks to the generous tech wizardry of Havok author Nathan Veyon. Today we feature the first story written entirely via the nutty blind contributions of Casting Call launch party attendees. While it’s true that it’s funnier if you were there, we think it’s still pretty funny even on its own. Especially when read aloud by Jane Maree in her adorable Australian accent!

Watch it on YouTube or read it below. Drop us a comment and let us know what you think!


Of all the things to deal with right before my 111th birthday, this was the most spicy yet.

My pet balrog Ophelia Penelope Ostentatious the Third was feeling brain-boggled and wept green eggs and ham all over my goose. Until I could clean it up, I would have to hide Ophelia Penelope Ostentatious the Third in the back of the haunted library and hope nobody noticed her. I’ve learned the hard way that cleaning up with a brain-boggled balrog around just made more of a mess.

Now, you may think this sounds like an unusual situation, but it wasn’t the first time Ophelia Penelope Ostentatious the Third had wept green eggs and ham. That’s why Ophelia Penelope Ostentatious the Third isn’t so much a pet. She’s more like a drooly honking parasite who took over my life.

After stashing Ophelia Penelope Ostentatious the Third at the haunted library, I worked like a maniac until the goose looked as pristine as the day I’d bought it. Just in time!

But as I dressed for the 111th birthday, I didn’t notice that I’d forgotten to put on my onesie. I dashed to the haunted library to bring Ophelia Penelope Ostentatious the Third home. I received a few stares, but I was so focused on my balrog that I didn’t think anything of them. When I arrived, I was surprised to find her exactly where I left her, hangry as a clam.

“How can you be so hangry after all the trouble you caused me?” I groused.

Ophelia Penelope Ostentatious the Third just honked and pirouetted with a toss of her tentacle.

“Yeah, yeah, keep the noise down, you little silly goose.” The haunted library was getting busier, and more people were about. “If anybody sees you, they’d probably eat their onesie.”

Which was the moment I realized I wasn’t wearing one. “Oh, croikey!!” I muttered. Dashing through the haunted library, I headed for home by the quickest route possible while Ophelia Penelope Ostentatious the Third honked at the top of her lungs.

“Why today, of all days?”

Back home, I stuffed Ophelia Penelope Ostentatious the Third in the espresso machine as punishment for her sins while I put on my onesie. “If you’re good while I’m gone, I’ll give you a Delorean to play with when I get back,” I called as I dashed out the door.

I made it to the 111th birthday only a few minutes late and felt pretty aghast about it, all things considered. That is, until I realized that Ophelia Penelope Ostentatious the Third had left tentacle prints all over my onesie. For the millionth time, I decided that pets weren’t worth the trouble.

I would definitely turn that bothersome little silly goose into green eggs and ham and feed her to the wolves (even the nice ones) at the local zoo.


Unless she honked at me ever so cutely, and placed her tentacle over my hand in that adorable way she had. It may be hard to believe, but when a balrog does that, they are darned near irresistible.

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