By Rachel Dib
“I don’t know what to do.” Margo peeked around the doorframe.
Her son lounged in his hammock, one leg dangling over the edge.
She adjusted the conch shell against her ear. “All Birch does is sit in his room and listen to fairy pop. Neither of his brothers were this—”
“Lazy,” Margo’s mother interjected.
Margo rubbed her temple. “I was going to say unambitious.”
Her mother guffawed. “Unambitious, my toadstool! Birch has the potential to be a master custodian. He’s merely too lazy! By his age, you were apprenticing in the Summer King’s castle. Do you think just any brownie received that honor? No. That opportunity was reserved for the truly ambitious. Even your other sons found apprenticeships in fairy lord households.”
“I know.” Margo’s eye drifted to a picture of Ash and Sage. Both displayed wide grins, one arm draped over the other’s shoulders as they held up indentureship certificates. “But what can I do?”
“Turn him over to the elves. They’ll whip him into shape.”
Margo swallowed. “Surely I mustn’t be that extreme.”
“Can you think of another solution? ‘A brownie who won’t clean is a burden on the team,’” her mother quoted. “Unless you want him living with you forever, the elves are your best option. I have a contact down in the valley. Parsnip Pennyboot. He’ll know how to handle Birch.”
Margo’s gaze flicked back to her son.
Birch’s head bobbed to music, his eyes closed.
“Make the call.”
“Stop lollygagging, cadet!”
Wide-eyed, Birch jumped in his seat as Sergeant Pennyboot suddenly popped up beside his shoulder and hollered in his ear.
Birch couldn’t believe his mother would do this to him. Turn him over to the elves? That punishment was reserved for delinquents!
I’ve never done anything wrong in my life! Birch bit his lip. Except for that time I tricked Mistletoe into scraping up the sludge in the cafeteria so I could sneak to a concert. But Mom doesn’t know about that. And it wasn’t as if Mistletoe didn’t like cleaning…
“I want to see those shoes sparkling like a morning dewdrop in the next sixteen seconds or you’ll find yourself picking aphids off cucumbers before you can say Summer Kingdom. Do I make myself clear, cadet?”
“Yes, sergeant!” Birch shouted back before leaning over to furiously scrub at a boot. How could Mother torture me so? What did I ever do to her?
True to his word, sixteen seconds later, the boot was snatched from Birch’s grasp, and Sergeant Pennyboot scanned it with a critical eye.
“Unacceptable! If I left a boot this dirty on a cobbler’s desk, I’d be laughed out of the corps. Drop and give me twenty!”
Birch furrowed his brow. “But you said I was going to have to—”
“Drop and give me fifty-two! Then you can do your aphid picking!”
Sighing, Birch knelt on the floor to start his pushups. When he was in position, Sergeant Pennyboot began singing a cadence.
“I don’t know, but I’ve been told,
lazy brownies never make no gold.
Sit around and sleep all day.
They aren’t never gonna make no pay.
Up, down.”
“One!” Birch yelled.
“Up, down.”
“Two!”
Fifty more pushups later, Birch’s arms felt like noodles. Sergeant Pennyboot motioned to another wayward cadet—a pixie named Strut—and the two unfortunates made their way toward the gardens.
“Your family send you here, too?” Birch asked.
“Yep,” Strut squeaked back. He flicked his translucent, purple wings in a shrug. “But I don’t mind. Beats collecting teeth.”
“You’re a tooth fairy?”
“Tooth pixie.” Strut scowled. “Just because the humans can’t tell us apart doesn’t mean you have to get it wrong, too. Would you like it if I called you a hob?”
Birch wrinkled his nose. “Point taken.”
“I don’t mind work,” Strut continued. “I just don’t want to collect teeth.”
“Then why are you in trouble?”
Another wing flick. “I painted a monarch butterfly on the side of Sergeant Pennyboot’s white dress boots.”
Birch lifted a brow. “Why?”
“Because I’m a pixie. We play pranks.” Strut flicked his wings again. “The sergeant expects it. He’d think I was sick otherwise.”
“Oh.”
“He secretly likes me.” Strut’s chest puffed. “He’s helping me find a job doing deliveries. No more collecting teeth.” He met Birch’s eye. “What were you trying to avoid doing?”
Birch dropped his gaze. “Cleaning.”
“And now you’re stuck cleaning here.”
“Yep.”
“Well, there are worse jobs than cleaning,” Strut said as they reached the garden. “You could be collecting teeth.”
Birch picked an aphid from a leaf. It wasn’t the cleaning I objected to. It was work, period. He sighed. Why can’t work be fun? Something useful but not monotonous. Like when Ms. Loodirol hired me to discover who kept digging up her hydrangeas.
He watched Strut prance around the garden, picking aphids. Every so often, the pixie glanced around before slipping a few into a jar in his pocket.
He’s up to something. Shrugging, Birch flicked an aphid off a cucumber. Is there a job I’d rather do? After considering a moment, he smiled.
“You want to do what, cadet?” Sergeant Pennyboot barked.
“I want to join the Hob Investigation Unit, sergeant!”
Sergeant Pennyboot lifted a brow. “And what makes you think you’d be a good investigator, cadet? You’re so incompetent, you can’t even shine a boot properly.”
Birch lifted his chin. “Cadet Strut is planning to release a vial of aphids into your bed tonight, sergeant.”
The sergeant’s eyes narrowed. “And how do you know that?”
“He was acting suspicious. I followed him and caught him muttering his plan to himself, Sergeant.”
Sergeant Pennyboot momentarily studied Birch, then nodded. “I’ll see what I can do.”
Margo handed the official document to her mother and crossed her arms. “You said the elves would help Birch accept his station, not avoid it entirely! Brownies clean. We like to clean!”
After scanning the document, her mother shook her head. “At least he’s found some ambition.”
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Well, it may not be what they were hoping for, but I’m glad Birch found a purpose. Good stuff.
*nods head in satisfaction*
Aww – Birch found his calling! Very cute story!
parents – listen up. not everyone likes to do what you like to do. fun story.
I loved this story! People who may not seem to be living up to their potential may not be challenged in the right way.
That was amazing! I loved the imagination and fantasy of it. I can’t wait until the next good read!
Not all children in the same family are going to do what their parents expect of them. It was good that Birch found something he was interested in doing and would not be considered lazy anymore, good ending.
Good story! “one size doesn’t fit all”
Oh no – not the old “picking aphids off cucumbers” punishment! :D
Creative way of using fairies to tell a story. How fun.
Fun story!