By Nathan Veyon
“So, does the bureau know why they sent us here?”
Sal shrugged while cramming fries in his mouth.
Jane waited for him to swallow. “They said a passing centaur reported all the other wilderkind in the area have gone silent.” She slapped his hand before he grabbed another burger. “Aren’t you worried?”
Sal snuck a few more fries. “It can’t be that bad. Dryads don’t scare easily. But we do need our sustenance.”
Jane sighed and let him start in on another sandwich. “Fine. Except for the brave and gluttonous dryads in the area what would make the other wilderkind act like this?”
Sal answered by sucking down the rest of his soda. “I’ve given it some thought. It could be the effect of some lesser known wilderkind.”
“Or?” Jane prompted.
“I guess alien abductions are also an option.” Sal adopted a thoughtful pose and stroked an imaginary beard. “But really, wilderkind are the aliens.”
Jane put her head down on the table. “Let me know when you’re ready to do something useful.”
Sal swallowed another bite. “Ah, come on. We can wander around. I’ll read their emotional state, and if they seem off, we ask what’s up. Simple.” He slid out of his seat. “Aren’t you coming?”
Jane stepped out of the restaurant to find Sal examining pedestrians.
“Lovesick teen, lovesick teen, angry guy, lovesick teen.”
Jane looked around. “How are there so many lovesick teens?”
“Oh, I don’t know. Teen emotions are such a tangled briar patch I don’t really try to figure them out; I just assume lovesickness.”
“It’s been a while since you were a teen, hasn’t it?” Jane said to Sal’s back as he disappeared around a corner.
Jane followed Sal as he chased after a shuffling figure.
“Wait up.” Sal rested a hand on the man’s shoulder.
The man turned and revealed a weathered face peering out from under a hoodie.
“Are you afraid of something, sir?” Sal asked.
Wizened hands gripped Sal’s arm. “A gorgon is here. No one’s safe.” The man hurried off leaving Sal staring after him.
“Sal, what is it?” Jane patted his back.
Sal shuddered and glanced around. “Let’s go.” He hurried back the way they had come.
“Wait, was Medusa a wilderkind? I really don’t want to have to deal with snake-hair.”
“No.” Sal didn’t look at her as he scanned the street. “Gorgons are snake wilderkind, rare and reclusive. Some can cause extreme fear.” He startled at the sound of a car horn. “Legend goes that whoever came up with Medusa probably had a snake phobia and was dosed by a gorgon having a bad hair day.”
“Are you ok, Sal? If a gorgon can affect all the wilderkind in town, you’re not safe.”
“I’m fine.” Sal said weakly. “Maybe we should go back to the hotel.”
Jane led the way, but Sal kept running into her and stepping on her heels. “Sal!” She turned to find him trying to hide behind her. “Oh, this is ridiculous.”
“Shhh!” Sal froze. “I think I hear something.”
“Are you the FBAO agents?” A no-nonsense voice said.
Sal gave a cowardly yelp and grabbed Jane, spinning her round so that she was in between him and a stocky woman.
Jane made a futile attempt to get Sal off her back. “We are. You wouldn’t happen to be the gorgon causing all this would you?”
“No. I’m Ali, a gnome barely holding it together.” She glowered.
Jane decided this gnome was in better control than Sal, who had begun whimpering at random noises. “Ali, can you tell me what’s going on?”
She glanced around. “It’s that gorgon, Greg. He lived alone outside of town. But then some wilderkind young’uns went and gave him a hard time. He marched in spreading fear and said he was in charge.”
Jane extricated her shirttail from Sal. “Ok, so what does Greg look like?”
“He’s easy to spot. He wanders around in a hoodie pulled up over his head no matter the weather.” Ali said.
Jane sighed. “Oh, I think we’ve met. Thanks, Ali, for the help.” She turned. “Come on, Sal, we’re going to get to the bottom of this.”
He looked at her with haunted eyes, but nodded.
Jane led the way back to the alley. At the other end there was a park and sitting on a bench was the hunched over figure of a man in a hoodie. Jane marched up to him. “Greg is it?”
He stood and sneered at Sal’s cowering form before glaring at her. “I see you learned my name. You must be human. I have a harder time affecting your kind, but I want to be left alone so here’s your warning. Go away!”
“Sorry, Greg. But you’ve got to stop this. I’m sure we can find some way to keep kids from bothering you, but you can’t leave everyone terrified.”
“This is my solution,” Greg said with a snarl. He lunged, grabbing her. Jane felt a cold dread traveling up her arm.
“Aaaargh!” Sal leapt forward, hands waving wildly. He collided with Greg in the most undignified tackle possible. They both went down with Greg underneath, his head hitting the ground with a solid whump. Sal stood and dusted off his shirt. “I do believe that was the bravest, most heroic thing I’ve ever done.”
Jane sighed. “Well, you’re back to normal. Is Greg okay?”
“Oh, he’s fine. Wilderkind aren’t that fragile, but unconscious he’s not a danger. I guess we call the bureau and tell them it’s all taken care of. And in your report remember to mention how courageous I was.”
Jane rolled her eyes. “Should I include the part where you screamed like a little girl?”
Sal’s face paled. Jane almost felt sorry for him. Almost.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
This was quite comical. At least Sal didn’t injure anything but his pride.
amusing little romp…
Love your title! And the story is pretty good, too. 😆 You can’t go wrong any time Sal screams like a little girl.
Humorous throughout and right on theme!
Fantastic title! I love the cast in this
Love this pair! They’re awesome and hilarious.
The title hooked me immediately XD