By Jim Doran
Behind the shrubs would be a good place. The thought flitted through his mind as Andrei and his date walked through the dimly lit park.
The dinner had gone to plan. His petite partner had ordered the crab cakes as he’d encouraged her to, and he had smothered her with dessert and charm. When he suggested a horse-drawn carriage to the city’s park and a rejuvenating stroll, Yvonne had immediately agreed.
Andrei had asked her questions all night, fixing the spotlight on her. If such a spotlight had existed, it would’ve highlighted her rose-colored eye shadow, emphasizing her smoky gray eyes. She’d arranged her black hair in ringlets and selected a Jovani dress with enough skin to entice, but not enough to be barred from Ma Maison’s.
They strolled arm-in-arm toward the massive topiary and the line of thick conifers—a private place to cover her mouth and muffle her scream. Others rarely occupied this corner of the park.
Yvonne’s eyes sparkled in the lamplights. Andrei gestured to them with his free hand. “The lamps highlight your beauty.”
“Ha. I know how to hold myself to appear prettier. My stage presence requires it.”
“Stage?” Andrei chuckled. “I saw nothing about a stage in your profile.”
Yvonne stepped around a puddle. “I don’t like to announce it to the world, but I’m a stand-up comic at The George on Saturdays.”
Andrei arched an eyebrow. “You tell jokes for a living?”
Yvonne leaned into his towering figure. “It supplements my income.”
“I want to hear one.”
“This is why I didn’t include it in my profile, Andrei. Everyone expects me to perform.”
He held up his index finger. “Just one.”
The woman furrowed her brow then relaxed. “Does anyone here have chronic laryngitis? It’s a killer for someone in my profession, so I went to the doctor. He touched his chin and said, ‘You need strong medicine.’ I asked, ‘What kind?’”
She paused for a moment. Her slate-colored gray eyes flashed. “Laughter.”
Despite the terrible punchline, Andrei chortled by reflex. I’d be saving the world from her humor, at least.
Yvonne lowered her head, cheeks coloring. “Did you like it?”
“Like it? I loved it!”
“People say successful stand-up is timing, but I’ll tell you a secret.” Yvonne licked her lips. “It’s the words. Think of it. Double-entendres, puns, a well-placed homonym dropped accidentally. I choose each word carefully. The same way I constructed my dating biography.”
“‘Words. Words. Words.’ To quote the bard.”
They were halfway to his destination, and Andrei couldn’t wait. He was a ravenous lion; she, an unsuspecting gazelle. Yvonne tightened her grip. “But I’ve found it hard performing lately after my sister Chantelle died.”
Andrei tensed at the name. What were the chances…
“Chantelle was a trusting soul,” continued Yvonne. “The killer left her body at Haven’s Wharf. She had a child—now an orphan. I’m working through the paperwork to become his legal guardian, but I had to tie up one loose end before I can call myself his mother.”
Andrei gulped. The reference to the wharf proved Yvonne’s sister and his last date were one and the same. He didn’t know there was a child. Wait, was his doe-eyed gazelle wearing a wire? It might be time to make a hasty exit.
“Let’s turn around and make our way back to the carriages,” said Andrei. “It’s getting cold.”
Yvonne shook her head. “Forward.”
Andrei considered her answer. She was right. The police might suspect someone with a vendetta. They wouldn’t search for a man with no connection to the family.
Yvonne squeezed his arm. “How about another joke?”
“Please.”
“All my life, my grandfather never smiled. He said he had seen too much death on the sea. In the town where my grandfather grew up, they claimed sirens lived offshore. The mythical women used their words to enthrall sailors, calling them to their icy depths. The creatures delighted in the men’s misfortunes.”
What kind of a joke is this?
“But there was one siren who could not kill her prey, for she’d fallen in love,” resumed Yvonne. “She married that hapless sea salt. Years later, when their granddaughter asked her grandfather how they had stayed together for so long, he’d responded, ‘She makes me laugh.’”
Andrei snorted. He turned his head and coughed. “Sorry.” Yet Andrei couldn’t suppress his laughter.
“Having trouble?” Yvonne inquired. “Shall I make you sad again and tell you how Chantelle called me from the restroom, thrilled with the man she had met online? How she emailed me an image of his profile? And how I discovered her date’s online presence disappeared the night of her murder? No record for the police.”
Andrei tried to extract his arm, but Yvonne pulled him closer. “Stay.”
Giggling, he remained at her side. Sweat beaded his forehead. A victory wreath turned vicious.
Yvonne took a deep breath. “I searched for the same words in the murderer’s profile across dating websites until I found him again.”
Andrei attempted to break away, but his legs wouldn’t obey. He rolled his shoulders, relieved he still had control of his arms. The path neared the overgrown hedges. There, he would act.
She stopped and turned toward him. “Words have power, Andrei. Words you used in your profile. Words I use in my routine. Words are why I am successful and why my sister, who didn’t inherit our family’s talent, wasn’t. But it’s like my inhuman grandmother used to sing to sailors while hanging out on the rocks in the brine…”
Still sniggering, Andrei blanched under the lamplight.
“Choke.”
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Nice twist!! :D
Thank you!
A lot to absorb with so few words. Predator and prey. Bravo!
Thank you!
I could see the twist coming , that the girl would turn the table on the killer, but I did not see the fact that she was a Siren. Well played and well done!
Thank you so much. Seeing the end coming is half the fun (I hope).
well done!! a fitting end to an unfit date…
Thank you! The date certainly didn’t go as planned.
Jim, you executed (ha ha) such a beautiful balance of suspense, mystery, and surprise–as well as satisfaction at a bad guy getting his deserved end. The punchline was beautifully timed. Most excellent job!
Thank you!! Yvonne learned a few tricks when dealing with hecklers.
Well-deserved vengeance. Great twist about the siren heritage.
I’m glad you liked it. I thought pairing sirens with stand-up was something different..
Loved it Jim! Interesting twist there at the end. :)
Appreciate the compliment. The fly never knew it was in the spider’s web.
good story
Phew! That was quite the thrilling story! :O
Thank you. I enjoyed writing it!
I had to read it again to see the one word suggestions she kept using…well done!
Appreciate the multiple reads. When I wrote it, I thought maybe it wasn’t the singing that enthralled those doomed sailors…
Same here! I love a story where the punchline makes me re-read to see how everything led up to it… and all the clues are there, I just didn’t recognize the significance on the first read.
I think what makes this tale of revenge work so well is the point of view. The story started kind of creepy, until I realized the killer would become the prey. Nice twist on the siren song.