By Stoney M. Setzer
This is—what do the humans call it? —Heaven, Therrus thought. I can be myself and still be around the humans and all the great stuff!
The convention hall teemed with humans, many of them dressed up as various characters from the Earthan sci-fi media Therrus loved. So many wore costumes that, for the first time since coming to Earth, he felt comfortable walking around in Civaran form with his holographic disguise turned off.
“Nice costume,” somebody said. He turned around to see a female redhead, maybe about age twenty, wearing a Star Trek uniform. “How long did that take you?”
“Felt like my whole lifeline,” he said, immediately catching his error. “Lifetime.”
She giggled. “My name’s Kat. What’s yours?”
“Luke. Luke James.”
“Nice to meet you, Luke. You want some coffee? They have killer lattes at the concession stand.”
“Caffeine would be just that for me—killer,” Therrus responded. “We Civarans do better drinking what I believe you humans call Auntie Freeze.” How delightful it was to tell somebody the truth of his Civaran condition while playing it off as an act. “I ate one of your burritos last week, and the bacteria did a letter on me.”
“You mean did a number on you, right?”
“Right. What you said.”
Kat’s smile turned into a smirk. “So you truly are one of them, then? Earthan Initiative, Galactic Union?”
Therrus blinked. The convention themed everything toward some form of Earthan sci-fi, but he couldn’t recall any media featuring the name of his organization. “How did you…?”
Kat reached behind her back and produced a small, metallic object that looked like a tiny spray can. “I’m with the Xorian Coalition. We don’t like your organization contacting these primitives. I figured you couldn’t resist a sci-fi convention.”
Therrus gulped. The Xorians were adamantly, even fanatically, opposed to all the Galactic Union’s efforts to study primitives, especially the Earthan Initiative. Worse, they weren’t above killing to further their agenda.
But where did they find someone who could disguise as human? I thought the Civarans were the only ones who could do that—unless some of my people have joined them. Not likely. Or maybe they’ve recruited actual humans…
“I’ve got a bad feeling about this,” Therrus said. Gotta distract her so I can escape without hurting someone…
“You should. This has enough concentrated caffeine to kill you ten times over. At least the latte would have tasted good.”
A cosplayer dressed as a Mandalorian walked by, and Luke saw his chance. “Hey, she said your Star Wars costume looks cheek!” Cheap, not cheek, he thought immediately.
“Cheap?” the cosplayer exclaimed, turning to confront Kat. “Yours looks cheaper than mine!”
Seizing the moment, Therrus darted away, ducking under a display table. He quickly activated his holographic device. Immediately, his Civaran appearance was masked by that of his human alter ego, Luke James. If Kat didn’t know what this face looked like, he might escape unscathed.
Except I don’t look exactly normal. I can cram my hands in my pockets to hide having six fingers, but I don’t have any way to hide that I don’t have any hair—unless I make it work… Tweaking his holographics, he made his clothing look like a Star Trek uniform. “Make it so, Number One,” he whispered to himself, feigning a Patrick Stewart accent.
From above, he could hear the Mandalorian continuing to yell at Kat. “This is the way,” Therrus muttered, crawling in the opposite direction.
The sound of running footsteps stopped him cold. Xorian agents never worked alone. Kat would have had at least two others with her. Crawling under the table to elude her might take him straight to the others. Maybe his portal hopper was the answer.
His holographic disguise did nothing to cover the device itself, disguised as a wristwatch. “What have I got to win?” Therrus whispered as he tapped the control, vaguely aware he had mangled another human phrase.
He never remembered the exact moment of portal hopping. His eyes always shut involuntarily, only for him to open them elsewhere a second later. The problem was always where elsewhere might be.
This time, he found himself in a parking lot at night, full of Earth vehicles from a prior decade. A huge projection screen loomed over one end of the lot. Much to Therrus’ excitement, he recognized the images on the screen right away as being from the first Star Wars movie released to the public.
“Yay! A drive-in movie! The Force was with me indeed!” he cried in jubilation. Maybe the portal hopper had taken him to the wrong decade, but at least it had dropped him somewhere he could enjoy a little.
The ground shook, and a thunderous roar pierced the night. The giant projection screen split in two as a hulking, shadowy figure burst through it from behind. Screams went up all around him from the vehicles’ passengers. Soldiers with jetpacks flitted all around the beast, shooting it with lasers.
“No, not kaiju! Not here!” Therrus wailed. The portal hopper hadn’t taken him back in time. It had dropped him into an alternate reality again.
“Sorry, alternate Earthans, but I can’t fight kaiju,” he whispered, activating the homing signal on the hopper. Maybe he wouldn’t end up in the same spot, or in the same moment.
He opened his eyes to see the sci-fi convention again. Only, police officers had handcuffed Kat and several other costumed individuals, including the Mandalorian whom Therrus had incited. The officers were leading them all out of the convention hall, reading them their lefts—no, their rights—as they walked. Hopefully Kat’s Xorian comrades were among those arrested so he could enjoy the convention in peace…
As long as everyone is who they appear to be.
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Violence at a Comic-Con, I’m not surprised. You’ll never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy.
So fun! I loved all the references to Star Wars and Star Trek, and especially the fact that Therrus could get the sci-fi quotes right, but not normal human figures of speech 😂