By Cea Green
“Forget deep-sea diving,” Gertrude Tesoro muttered, trying to enjoy Café Regatta’s scenic patio beside Helsinki’s Taivallahti Bay. “The hardest part of this job is getting paid.”
“Client inbound, Aunt Getty,” Cody’s voice came through her earbud.
Lars Korhonen, dressed like a CEO at a board meeting, stood out like a sore thumb among the Saturday morning coffee crowd.
“Dr. Tesoro,” he said, sneering at the quaint red cottage and late summer flowers. He did not offer to shake hands.
Getty hoped he would learn manners before inheriting his family’s business. “Please have a seat, Mr. Korhonen.”
He scoffed at the dainty chair, and Getty smirked. He would disapprove a lot more if he knew Cody was hidden in the trees across the water with a clear view of that chair.
“Would you like—”
“No!” he barked. “Proceed. Do you have the Sampo?”
Getty picked up her cup and sipped, watching his nostrils flare. “Of course.” After another sip of tepid coffee, she stood and gestured toward the water. “A demonstration?”
Lars’s expression would have curdled the cream in her coffee, had there been any, as he stood, manicured hands balled into fists.
Getty produced a velvet-wrapped bundle and slowly opened it.
Lars was suitably fixated; the show had begun.
Knowing the jumble of metal in her hand would not match Lars’s expectations, she thrust the artifact across the red picket fence separating the café from the water. “The Sampo of Ilmarinen.”
She held the artifact over the water by an oval ring, allowing its other metal pieces to dangle freely like elaborate keys on a keychain. Their sweet, dissonant jangling drew attention from people all around the little bay.
“Wow,” Cody said in her ear. “Cool.”
She smiled and continued jangling. The water roiled, then fish began to surface. Lars gawked as Getty shook the artifact harder, and fish began throwing themselves against the rocks below. She pocketed the artifact, nodded toward Cody’s hiding spot, and sat.
“Ready,” Cody acknowledged.
Now for the tricky part.
Lars sat, face blank. “Explain.”
“Using clues your professor unearthed at his dig, I located the area between Finland and Sweden where the Sampo was lost at sea. Then I went diving. I found the Sampo because all fish for miles around were swarming the rocks where it was snagged, ringing in the current.”
“But in the Kalevala, the Sampo creates gold!”
Getty shrugged. “Before I took this job, I reminded you the Kalevala was written recently, combining oral tradition and its author’s imagination. In legend, the Sampo could be anything from a tree to a compass. But the stories agree the Sampo created wealth.” She set the artifact on the table. “Fish equaled wealth.”
“You expect me to believe this noisemaker is the legendary Sampo?!” Lars sputtered.
Getty handed him a paper. “A letter from Dr. Aalto at the Suomen Kansallismuseo, stating that the materials and workmanship are appropriate to the era of the Sampo.”
Dr. Aalto wouldn’t certify it was the actual Sampo, but she definitely wanted the artifact for the museum.
“Come on, Lars,” Getty needled. “I spent weeks researching your clues. I spent days diving in frigid water. I found what you hired me to find.” She picked up the artifact and jangled it in front of his nose, restoring his sour expression. “My motto is, ‘You want-y, I Getty.’ But if you don’t like-y, you still gotta pay-y.”
“I’m not a child!”
“Then stop acting like one. You want riches? Buy a fishing boat and actually earn the money.”
Lars stared at the letter, the artifact, her, the water. He looked annoyed, angry, disgusted… squirrelly.
Bingo!
“Hey, Lars, you clearly recognize this is the Sampo. Pay up.”
Lars squirmed, then stood and slammed the table, making the artifact ring and attracting several fish. “I’ve already paid you enough for this fish-caller. What’s to stop me from just taking it?”
Getty touched her ear. “Gustav, please explain to Mr. Korhonen the importance of manners.” She sipped her cold coffee, enjoying Lars’s confusion. “What’s stopping you? Well…” She glanced down at his chest.
He saw the red laser dot, and his eyes widened. “You’re crazy!”
“No, cautious. Please sit and try to behave.”
Lars gritted his teeth, but he sat. “So, if I don’t pay, you’re going to shoot me?”
“Of course not! Just don’t try to steal the Sampo.”
Lars was looking so squirrelly, Getty half expected to see him sprout a bushy tail. End game. “We have a contract, Mr. Korhonen. I brought you the Sampo. Now give me the two million and take delivery of the artifact.”
Something clicked behind his eyes. “Our contract has a clause that states I don’t have to pay if I don’t take delivery.”
Bingo again! Getty feigned disgust. “Are you saying you don’t want the Sampo after all I went through to get it?” She leaned forward. “Pay up, Mr. Korhonen.”
Lars looked like a prisoner running toward daylight. “I’m not taking delivery.” He folded his arms. “Settle for expenses.”
Getty scowled. “How about—”
“No,” he grunted. “Now give me the contract so I can sign off.”
Getty slowly produced the papers. She held her breath as Lars signed the clause acknowledging that she had acquired the Sampo, he had paid the expenses, and he was relinquishing all claims to the item in lieu of further payment.
Lars stood. “Goodbye, Dr. Tesoro. Enjoy your fish-caller.” He threw the contract next to the artifact and stormed off.
Getty ordered cinnamon rolls and two hot chocolates. As the food arrived, Cody walked up and dropped a laser pointer on the table.
“He signed, Aunt Getty?”
“Yep.” They toasted. “And we have the cottage and car for two more weeks. We’ll drop off the Sampo with Dr. Aalto, then we can visit Linnanmäki and cross the Taiga off our rollercoaster bucket list.”
Getty nibbled the gooey cinnamon roll. “Mmm,” she sighed. “Another exciting family vacation, courtesy of unbridled greed and unrealistic expectations.”
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
I love this one. Thank you for using Finnish legends for the basis of the story. The ending was hilarious.
I’m glad you enjoyed it. The research for this was a lot of fun. And there are so many pics of Cafe Regatta on-line that I feel like I’ve been there. Actually, I would love to visit Helsinki and retrace Getty’s steps (probably minus diving in freezing water).
I loved the main character! I hope to see more of their adventures. Thank you for sharing!
Thank you! Getty is a lot of fun to write. I’m actually working on a story with her name-sake great-niece (“Getty 2.0”) set in the world of my novel-in-progress.
FUN!!
Gotta love a good con/legendary-artifact-acquisition adventure…
Thanks! I fell in love with the idea of getting rich collectors to finance Getty’s archaeological expeditions combined with family vacations/internships with her nieces and nephews…and still having the artifacts wind up in an appropriate museum.
Brilliantly executed! Loved the story!
Wow, thank you! That’s very high praise and much appreciated.
Oh boy, this story really made my archaeologist self happy! I enjoy the idea that legendary artifacts were based on real things, and I really like the concept of this family traveling around and finding them for rich clients and/or museums. Fun story!