By J. M. Allison
Melvin trudged through the downpour, head down in an effort to avoid the wind and wet.
Getting fired wasn’t enough. He’d returned home to endure yet another lecture from his parents. Over dinner, they again complained about his lack of potential and the detrimental effects of his juvenile obsessions, specifically “that stupid role game with dragons and dementors, or whatever” he played with his friends every Saturday.
Melvin turned to cut through the park, a shortcut he knew well. He slapped at the branches, which snapped back at him in protest of his unwanted intrusion into their space.
He didn’t remember the bushes being this thick, but he pressed forward anyway. Taking out his anger on something felt good.
Fueled by frustration and resentment, he swung at another branch. The branch gave way with an unexpected snap, and Melvin tumbled forward.
He hit the ground, air rushing from his lungs. Pain radiated from the side of his head, and blackness engulfed him.
“Oi! I think he might be alive, my lord.” A rough voice, accompanied by a pair of rough hands tugging at his peacoat, brought Melvin back to consciousness.
Panic seized him. His leg spasmed a kick toward the voice, pushing him away from the unknown assailant.
“Leave off, or I’ll knock your block off!” Melvin’s voice carried an anger and menace he knew he couldn’t physically back up.
Hopefully, his assailant wouldn’t call his bluff.
Melvin scrambled to his feet, spinning to face the danger, fists curled, ready to fight. He froze.
Five men surrounded him in a loose semi-circle. All were easily twice his size… and were those broadswords strapped to their belts? Their heavy chainmail shirts glinted in the soft light filtering through the trees, and brown and red stains were smeared across their surcoats.
Just his luck. He was being jumped by a gang of teenage ruffians. Teenage ruffians in knight costumes. These had to be the live-action role-players, or LARPers, his friend always made fun of. His Dungeons & Dragon buddies were never going to let him forget this.
“You’ll keep a civil tongue in your head, or I’ll remove it.” A knight to Melvin’s right drew his sword as he advanced.
That was a big sword.
He needed to stall. He frantically fumbled through his pockets as he backed away.
“I am the hero of Kaloo, Supreme Warlock of Bibury, and slayer of Shashnash the Horrible Fiend! You do not want to mess with me.”
The knight with the big sword slowed and glanced at his companions. His brow creased as he eyed Melvin, obviously attempting to decipher Melvin’s declaration.
It was enough.
Melvin’s fingers closed around his weapon. He withdrew it with a flourish and brandished it at the knight.
“I hold lightning in my hand.” Melvin activated the Taser; electricity snapped and clicked as it sparked between the electrodes. “Attack at your own peril!”
Before the approaching knight could respond, Melvin gave a not-so-intimidating shriek of attack and flung himself toward the knight. They collided hard, and Melvin dug his Taser into the knight’s side.
The man convulsed as it made contact.
They landed in the dirt, a tangle of arms and legs.
Melvin flailed to get away. Finally extricating himself, he pushed to his feet and spun around to face the next opponent.
Hand extended… Hand empty!
He spun in place, eyes searching the leaves for his dropped Taser.
Four sword tips sprang toward his face.
Melvin thrust his hands up in surrender. Here was the most exciting thing to occur in his life, and he had failed. Miserably. Maybe his parents were right after all…
“Enough!”
The knights stopped mid-attack and stepped away.
Melvin released a sigh. He kept his hands raised as he turned to face the newcomer.
The new knight was dressed to match his companions: a green surcoat with a yellow dragon on the chest. He exuded confidence and authority.
“You have defeated one of my best knights with lightning from your hands.” He drew his sword as he approached. “You are indeed powerful. What is your name, sorcerer? I would know of your other mighty deeds.”
Melvin looked around the group. He wasn’t into LARPing. But, if playing along got him out of here, at least his years playing D&D would help.
“Melvin,” he croaked out. His mind reeled as he tried to think. These LARPers took character creation to a whole new level. If this was how his parents perceived D&D, he might have to concede their point. “I have defeated dragons, liches, and necromancers.”
“Alright Marvin.” The knight lowered his sword, resting the tip in the dirt at his feet. He pursed his lips as he gazed at Melvin. “I think I could use a man of your talents.”
“For what?” Melvin couldn’t stop the question from escaping his lips, “I’m not into LARPing, and it’s Melvin.”
“I am not familiar with larping, Marlin,” the knight continued, “but you have two choices before you. You can accept my patronage and help me defend my kingdom, or I can name you a threat to my kingdom and eliminate you here and now. I take the presence of a sorcerer in my kingdom very seriously.”
Melvin smiled. This was a joke, right? He searched the knight’s face but saw only cold calculation in his stare.
He swallowed, his smile dissolving. Would this man really kill him if he didn’t play along? He gave the knight a weak nod.
“Wonderful.” The knight casually sheathed his sword and gave a cold smile. “We will introduce you at court tonight, Mervin.”
“It’s Melvin.” The words slipped out in a breath of frustration before he could stop them. His parents were right; he would never amount to anything. “Great.”
“Yes.” The knight turned and walked away, apparently oblivious to the sarcasm. “Welcome to Camelot, Merlin the Great. I am King Uther Pendragon.”
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
This is such a fun twist on Merlin’s origins! Love it. :)
Thank you! I’m pleased you enjoyed it!
nice twist like mark twain’s connecticut yankee in king arthur’s court…
Ha, that was really fun! I wasn’t sure where this was going, but you twisted the story in a neat way. And Uther Pendragon mispronouncing Melvin’s name every time cracked me up. I could definitely see this story leading into something like Sam Raimi’s “Army of Darkness” movie, with a modern hero thrust into humorous medieval adventures.
I laughed so hard when we hit the ending that I had to read the story aloud to a family member!
They, too, laughed. Nice job!
Lol this was fun! Love to see more stories of how Merlin, I mean Melvin gets along pretending to be a wizard in Camelot.
Clever origin story!