Love Bytes

By Hannah Carter

It seemed odd that the daughter of Queen Titania considered an app her worst enemy, but throughout the centuries, this fae had never encountered a more devious opponent.

“Don’t be cross just because you don’t understand technology,” Wally, my human thrall—excuse me, he preferred the term flatmate—said. “You see—”

“Don’t try and hu-mansplain. I understand this time-sucking, soulless devil well enough to know that Pucker Up is causing chaos throughout London.” I scowled at his smartphone.

“It’s an app. It can’t cause chaos, Morgana.”

“I beg to differ.” I spread out today’s newspaper.

Wally sighed. “They have this thing called the Internet now.”

“And I prefer to have all my clues on paper,” I snapped. “It makes everything easier to follow.” I pointed to a headline. “A literal lover’s duel broke out in Hyde Park. Those fell out of vogue in the 1800s.”

“And you think Pucker Up is responsible for it?”

“Yes. Yes, I do.” I perused the app store reviews—something Wally had taught me recently. Most commenters raved about how Pucker Up had helped them find love overnight. But the majority of one-star reviews expressed discontent that, along with the aforementioned lover’s duels, they’d found themselves in love triangles, ill-advised elopements, or jail—one fellow was even infatuated with a donkey. “These reviews correspond to what I’ve been tracking in the newspaper. It seems all of our victims downloaded this app recently.”

Wally sighed. “How about this? I’ll download the app, and when I don’t fall in love with a donkey, we’ll know this crazy theory stems from your technophobia and not reality.”

“Fine. But when you do fall in love with a donkey, I will say ‘I told you so’ in several different languages.”

“Morgana!” Wally burst into our sitting room the next morning, his eyes frantic. “Morgana—I love you!”

I glanced up from my book. “Have you lost your bloody mind?”

He approached me, arms outstretched. “Not at all—I’ve only come to my senses.”

I stood, holding my book before me like a staff to ward off his affections. “That’s ridiculous.”

“True love isn’t ridiculous!”

Wally charged again, and this time, flatmate or not, I kicked him into the settee. He stumbled over the armrest and flipped backward, his phone flying out of his pocket.

It skittered over to my feet, and the screen flickered on to reveal a message. Thanks for using PUCKER UP. Love guaranteed!

I picked it up. “Ah. Interesting. I suspected that it might be with other users, but this seems to indicate that it’s with the first person you see…”

“I just love your mutterings.” Wally sighed dreamily.

“No, you don’t. You tell me to create coherent sentences because you can’t follow my logic.” Scowling, I unlocked his phone and opened the app. “Tell me how to find out who created this.”

“Why? Are you going to find love? Because if you are—I’ll kill them if they’re not me.” Wally’s voice turned dark, and I snorted.

“You get upset when a dog dies on the telly. Show me, Wally.”

“Will you love me if I do?”

“I’ll tolerate you.”

That must have been good enough for his addled mind, because he trotted over and brought up the developer page.

And there I spotted a familiar name. “I should have known he’d be behind it.”

I stuffed Wally’s phone in my pocket. “Come on. We’re going on a field trip.”

Wally’s eyes widened. “You mean a date?”

“No. A field trip. I am your fae master, and you are my human thrall. You will do as you’re told and not vex me with any romantic gestures.” I opened the door. “Now, come.”

Wally sighed and trudged after me. “You’re so mean.”

I snorted. “Yes. It looks like you really did fall in love with a donkey after all.”

I ignored the receptionist as Wally and I entered the office of Robin Goodfellow, Inc. Instead, I called in the air, “Puck, drop this annoying Goodfellow charade. I demand your presence.”

Time stopped. Even Wally froze as stillness descended around us. In a puff, a child-sized fae appeared in midair.

Puck.

He grinned. “Morgana! So good to see you again.”

I held out Wally’s phone. “I can’t say the same. You’re up to your old tricks again, aren’t you? Spreading love curses, this time through an app.”

Puck cackled. “Isn’t it clever?”

“I should have known by the name alone. Puck-er Up? You’re not sneaky.”

“Took you long enough to figure it out.” Puck snorted.

I harrumphed. “Yes, well, technology is my nemesis. Anyway, now that I have, I insist you free everyone from your love curse. It’s not a handful of Athenians in a forest now. This is causing chaos all over London—all over the world. Such is the nature of the Internet.”

“I know. Isn’t it grand?” Puck giggled. “My mischief, everywhere!”

“I’m sure Mother wouldn’t be quite so fond if I told her, now would she?”

My younger brother turned sullen. “Spoilsport.”

“Always.” I paused. “And why are you resorting to infecting people through their smartphones?”

“I had to adapt to the times,” Puck said. “People don’t wander into the forest for fun anymore. So I went to where the people were and sent my little love bytes scurrying up and down, up and down—”

“Spare me the speeches.”

Puck guffawed. “You have to admit, no matter the era, these mortals are still fools.”

I glanced at Wally, who stared back at me with helpless doe-eyes. “Yes, but I’ve found fondness in their foolishness. Release them all. Now.”

Puck sighed and snapped his fingers. The phone buzzed as the app blinked out of existence.

My thrall yawned. “I feel like I’ve been in a dream…”

“More like a nightmare.” I held out my hand. “Come along, Wally. We’re going home.” I smirked. “I have several thousand languages to tell you ‘I told you so’ in.”

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Hannah Carter is just a girl who wakes up every day hoping it will be the day she discovers she’s secretly a mermaid. Her debut novel, Depths of Atlantis, is out through SnowRidge Press now. Her stories have been included in several anthologies: Whispers From Before, The Never Tales, and Havok’s Casting Call and Prismatic. Her flash fiction piece, “A Home for Nova,” won the 2022 Flash Fiction Realm Award.

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