Attempted Mermaid

By Pamela Love

I was feeding the fish in my garden this morning when my left arm went numb. Then my legs crumpled underneath me, and I collapsed by the koi pond. I couldn’t catch my breath. Am I dying? Frantic, I started thrashing around—and slapped myself in the face with what used to be my left arm. I blinked. My arm was now a fin.

Stunned, I stared at my reflection in the water. My skin glistened with orange and white scales like a koi’s. Gills flapped on my neck. My tail writhed beneath my skirt. I could see the fluke sticking out from under the hem.

Someone had turned me—a humdrum retired cook—into a mermaid. I’m no sorceress. Things like this shouldn’t happen to me!

I rolled into the koi pond. After taking several breaths underwater, I bobbed to the surface and yelled for help. Three passing beagles started yelping and tangling their leashes trying to get to me. “Somebody’s drowning!” their dogwalker shouted, flagging down Officer Watt, the neighborhood cop.

Watt vaulted my picket fence. “I’m coming!” He skidded to a halt when he got closer. Then it was his turn to call for help.

Ten minutes later, the air by the pond shimmered with a purple fog. When it cleared, a dark-haired woman had appeared. She was six feet tall, and her uniform looked like Watt’s, but purple. “Magician Helena Howe. Sorcery Squad.” She flashed a shiny badge. “Can you tell me your name and what happened?”

“Greta Morton, and—could you fix me first?” I asked, gesturing to the wand in her holster with my fin.

She shook her head. “Only the magician who enchanted you can reverse the spell. Do you know any sorcerers?”

“No.” After submerging to breathe, I explained what happened.

Howe knelt beside my pond. “Got any enemies who might’ve hired one?”

I let out a hollow laugh. “No enemies. No family or friends left, either, unless you count my fish.” The koi were circling the edge of the pond. I tried to stay out of their way, which only left me about as much room as I’d have in a bathtub.

The magician pursed her lips. “Can you think of anyone who would benefit by putting this spell on you?”

“No. It’s not like I’ll inherit a castle but only if I can walk across the drawbridge.” I slapped my tail in the water, accidentally splashing Watt. He didn’t even flinch. “I’m just a retired cook. Could some magical brat be playing a prank? Maybe it will wear off soon.”

“No,” said Howe. “Done properly, a mermaid transformation spell would make you look like one from a storybook—human from the waist up with a fish tail. You’d have two arms, and scales only on your tail.”

“So, whoever did it, did it wrong. Sounds even more like a kid.”

She folded her arms. “Done improperly, a transformation spell wouldn’t have affected you at all.”

“Then what did happen to me?” I tried to clench my right fin. I failed.

“Let me take a closer look.” She pulled out a fist-sized crystal ball from her pack and held it over my head. “It appears someone blended you with a koi. I’ve never heard of any spell like it. If it’s not removed by sunset, it might be permanent.” My gills fluttered frantically.

Officer Watt stepped forward. “Maybe someone wanted to steal one of Ms. Morton’s koi. Aren’t they expensive?”

“Yes, I saved for years to buy them.” I smiled. My beauties were worth every penny. “But all three of mine are here.”

Magician Howe tilted her head. “Four, not three. Remember, one is blended with you. That means it’s not one of yours, as I’d thought.”

I snorted. “Then maybe someone has a problem with that fish, not me.”

“You’re right—this is about that fish. Someone was trying to get rid of it,” said Howe, leaping to her feet. “This isn’t a transformation spell. It’s a transportation one. A magician intended to put a koi in your pond. By accident, it materialized within you.”

Watt said, “But magicians do transportation spells all the time. You got here that way, didn’t you?” Howe nodded. “I’ve never heard of anything like this before.”

Howe’s face turned red. “Magicians are trained to do a scrying spell to prevent transportation accidents. Whoever did this was lazy.”

“Some people dump koi fish if they get tired of them,” I said. “Usually in a lake somewhere.”

“I can find out where koi were yesterday and are not today.” Magician Howe started chanting and dancing, wiggling her hands like a koi’s tail. An hour later, sweaty and panting with effort, she had an address.  Five minutes later, she had the magician. “I could’ve brought you in two minutes if I’d been as sloppy as you were with that fish.”

By noon, I was human again. Flanked by Magician Howe and Officer Watt, I glared at Magician Edwin Glazier, who was slouching against my dogwood. “Why didn’t you come ask me to take your koi? I would have.”

“This wasn’t personal. I didn’t even know your name,” whined Glazier. He pointed to the fourth koi, now swimming freely in my pond. “After I moved into my new house yesterday, I found the previous owner had left it behind. I don’t want pets, so I cast a spell to rehome it in the nearest koi pond.”

“You gave me the fright of my life! I hope you go to prison for a long time.” I gritted my teeth.

He chuckled. “I’ve checked the law. Nobody’s ever accidentally mermaided someone before. There’s no law against it.”

Howe’s eyes gleamed. “There isn’t, is there?” Then she pulled out her wand. “Feel like adding another koi to your collection, Ms. Morton?”

Glazier’s jaw dropped. Wide eyed, he turned to Officer Watt. “You can’t let her get away with this!”

Watt shrugged. “If it’s not illegal, why not?”

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Pamela Love was born in New Jersey, and worked as a teacher and in marketing before becoming a writer. Her work has appeared in Havok, Page & Spine, and Luna Station Quarterly. She is the 2020 winner of the Magazine Merit Fiction Award for her story “The Fog Test”, which appeared in Cricket. She and her family live in Maryland.

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