Peaches ‘N Cream

By Grace Gidman 

It was a running joke between Doddy and me throughout our marriage that he’d fallen in love with the missing half of my leg first—and then he fell in love with the rest of me.

Inventors! More excited by what’s missing rather than what’s there.

I open the panel in my prosthetic leg and pull out coils of wires, careful not to disturb the delicate hardware inside—easier said than done with my arthritis. Standing in the shadow of the massive destroyer, I attach my wires’ sensors to the giant cylindrical shaft stabbed into the planet’s surface. Once I’m inside the destroyer’s system, I can discover how to disable it. I connect the wire to my handheld. Now I’m ready.

Cream barks over my comm; he’s concerned about my progress.

I reassure him, “Run diagnostics, love, and call me ASAP.”

The purple soil beneath me is trembling, the groans of a planet being ravaged. I can smell it burning—terrible gas-like smells—searing my sinuses. I can’t afford a killer headache tonight. I tap my pockets, looking for my nasal spray—I must’ve left it in the IDT jumper.

I scan the horizon. The planetary readout listed “intelligent life,” but I’ve made no contact with the locals since landing. It’s not exactly like I stopped in for tea and a game of twenty-five; my primary goal here is stopping a planet’s extinction.

“Anything?”

Cream’s mournful woof says we are still waiting. I imagine him now; nose to the screen, tail agitated. Though technically an android, he’s every inch the English sheepdog he’s modeled after.

I hear screaming and whirl around to spot a blue woman running toward me. She’s clutching a baby. More blue-skinned people follow behind her, the natives perhaps?

Crabapples! The planet shudders and a giant split opens in the ground directly behind the natives. They scramble, but not before a few fall into the growing chasm. I grind my teeth. I have no idea who is behind the destroyer; uncovering their identity is not my mission. But the darkness motivating this nightmare is as old as time—so, almost as old as me—and universal to all dimensions including my own. I’ve witnessed WWII, the ’60s, and civil strife in Ireland. My own husband discovered Interdimensional Travel—I’m rarely surprised or impressed.

But senseless violence like this still makes my blood boil!

The mother runs up to me, pleading in a strange language. My translator succumbed to water damage while I was fighting ocean giants last week; Cream is still fixing it. I smile, trying to reassure her—the planet lurches! We both fall.

I catch myself hard against the destroyer, wincing as I hear my shoulder crack and pop. I painfully push upright. The woman picks herself up with youthful ease and continues her frantic run. I watch her quickly disappear over the horizon—more survivors following.

My shoulder hurts, blast it! I can’t afford to lose any more parts! First, a tumor took half of my left leg during childhood. Next, my right pinky finger, sacrificed while saving our son from a well. And ten years ago, I nearly lost my head during an acid duel on Kansasia Prime. I still have the scars.

You may become Earth Dimension’s first cyborg, Peaches! Doddy’s jovial comment.

Humph! You’d have fallen for me even if I’d only had a single eyelash to bat at you, Dodson O’Grady!

The ground gash skirts around me and the destroyer but continues on. This planet cannot take much more, and neither can I. Blood from rock shrapnel mixes with sweat by my hairline. Maybe I shouldn’t have gone on a mission today—but, oh! How could I not go today?

Cream’s triumphant bark over the comm gives my hearing aid feedback. “Quieter, love, Mum’s ears are ringing.” I look at my handheld display—brilliant!

It is a simple matter of destroying the control satellite linked to the destroyer. The coordinates show a location in nearby orbit; it’s an easier fix than Irish coffee! “Cream, send the destruct codes here.” I type in the coordinates. It won’t take Cream long. I look up to the sky—waiting.

I still like explosions. A year ago today Doddy took me to the Yellomai Galaxy for our fiftieth anniversary so I could witness a supernova. We drank champagne, held hands, and watched a thousand colors illuminate the sky through the windshield of the IDT jumper. Interdimensional Travel has its drawbacks, but it also makes for the most magical dates.

There. An explosion lights up the green sky above my head, momentarily outshining the planet’s three stars.

Everything falls still. I smile—imagining the face of the mother running for her life with her baby. I’ve seen it from Earth to Atlantis—when horror turns to hope. And it’s everlastingly beautiful.

I smell burning… Crabapples! My prosthetic is smoking; I forgot to detach it from the destroyer before Cream sent the code. My leg buckles, and I land poof in the dirt on my matronly backside.

“I’ve fallen and I can’t get up. I fried my leg again. You must install a new one spit-spat, darling! I refuse for the grandmother of the bride to hop down the aisle at the wedding tonight.” Cream barks in response, and I hear the IDT jumper’s engines roar.

Keep adventuring, Peaches. I’ll be waiting patiently, lassie, so take your time. Doddy’s last words before he fell asleep to awaken in a realm I could not yet jump to.

From my pocket, I pull out a medallion—our emblem—a bowl of peaches and cream. Doddy’s silly idea began as a joke but became a tradition. By now, I’ve left hundreds behind.

I drop the medallion in the dirt by the destroyer, my message to whoever sent it—you lost.

“Today is for you, Doddy O’Grady,” I whisper as the portal opens to my right, and I spot Cream’s grinning face through the windshield of the IDT jumper.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Grace Gidman sees her role as a storyteller to be a sacred privilege and act of worship to her Creator, the Greatest Storyteller. She can talk about Star Wars longer than most humans, and How to Train Your Dragon is her top soundtrack. She is currently pursuing a career as a screenwriter. She’s a Show-Me state girl and will unashamedly put ranch dressing on most things.

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