By Patrick M. Fitzgerald
Zach sliced the Demeter Ambrosia apple with his laser cutter. His mouth watered as the laser’s heat caramelized the juices. He placed the slice reverently on a piece of pound cake and raised it to his lips.
It tasted… normal.
He scowled and tossed the rest of the apple to Tetsuo. “How does this taste to you, T?”
Tetsuo swiped it from the air and bit into it. “Delicious?”
“Yeah. Golden Delicious. Definitely not the Demeter Ambrosia I ordered.”
Tetsuo stared at the apple. “Maybe you got the order number wrong?”
Zach glared at him. “With my photographic memory? Not likely.” He turned to the ship’s computer. “Pegasus, open a channel to the planet Demeter.”
A tired-looking man in uniform appeared on the monitor. “This is Quartermaster Haron of the Demeter Spaceport.” Feral screeching echoed in the distance, and Haron looked behind him nervously.
“This is Zach Karr, Peacekeeper of the Planetary Coalition. I have a concern about a shipment of your apples.”
Haron cleared his throat and rummaged through a stack of papers. “I wish I could accommodate your inquiry, but… right now, our spaceport isn’t cleared for transit.”
Zach drummed his fingers on the screen. “Please explain.”
“We’re overrun with…” The screeching grew louder. Haron winced. “Squirrels.”
Tetsuo held out the apple core. Zach grimaced and shook his head. “And the produce?”
“Our forces are occupied protecting the crops. The cargo ships can’t lift off. The Demeter Trade Authority is repackaging offworld produce to meet their sales quotas.”
Tetsuo scrolled through the ship’s database. “Squirrels shouldn’t be a problem.”
Haron frowned. “There are hundreds of them.”
Zach raised an eyebrow at his sidekick. “Don’t worry,” Tetsuo muttered as he tapped a highlighted area of the squirrel’s nervous system. “We’ve got this.”
Zach shrugged as he set a course for Demeter. “Apparently, Quartermaster Haron, we’ve got this.”
The Pegasus touched down on the spaceport’s roof. Below, dozens of freight ships were docked in the landing zone. A mass of squirrels surrounded the ships, clawing and scratching to get at the produce inside. In the center of the bay, one squirrel towered over the others at nearly six feet.
Zach yanked some piping from the ship’s exhaust and attached it to a hose from the air-reclamation system. He grinned at Tetsuo’s bemused expression. “Air cannon. Low-tech, but it’ll do the job.”
Tetsuo spun his quarterstaff. “The lower-tech, the better.”
They rappelled down the side of the warehouse. The squirrels froze. Antennae twitched. Hundreds of segmented eyes turned towards them in one menacing motion.
“He did say squirrels?” Zach squinted at the alien creatures.
Tetsuo rolled his eyes. “Close enough.”
The giant squirrel puffed out its chest and shrieked. A cluster of the creatures hissed in response and charged them.
“They’re like a swarm of insects. Bet you that one’s their queen!” Zach fired the air cannon, knocking one rodent into two of its companions, sending them all sprawling backward.
Tetsuo balanced on one leg. His staff blurred as it knocked one rodent aside, then struck a second with its tip. A pointed-toe kick swung to meet the third, and with a quick rebalance, his other foot sent a fourth tumbling through the air.
Zach launched more squirrels in Tetsuo’s direction. “How are you doing that?”
Tetsuo barely tapped the squirrels as they flew toward him, but each fell to the ground, unconscious. “Pressure points. Every system is a delicate balance.” He kicked a squirrel squarely in the temple. “Find the weak point, and the whole system falls apart.”
The queen hissed, and the squirrels in the distance gave a rallying screech. The air cannon hadn’t felt heavy at first, but now Zach’s arms were aching as though he held the entire ship.
Tetsuo still fought effortlessly, sweat glistening in the sunset. “Was that two hundred? I think I’ve broken a record.”
“There’s a record for squirrel kicking?” Zach winced as the recoil from the air cannon jolted his shoulders again. “I think I’ve broken… something.”
The large squirrel stared at him, scintillating colors reflecting off her eyes. Waiting for an opening, aren’t you? He dropped low, letting his arms hang loose.
Veined wings unfurled from the queen’s back and propelled her forward—straight at Zach. She landed with an impact that shook the hangar bay.
He raised the air cannon, but her massive incisors crushed the nozzle. Jumping back, he looped the hose and lashed it at her. Her razor-sharp claws sliced through it. The hissing air line bounced away.
Zach glanced at Tetsuo, then down at the wrecked cannon. I still got this.
Gripping the carbon-steel pipe, he visualized Tetsuo’s diagrams, the picture of the squirrel, the location of the largest pressure point. My photographic memory is useful today, after all.
He sprung forward, lancing the weak point between her shoulder and neck. With a whimper, she shuddered and toppled over.
The swarm scattered, leaving the spaceport empty.
“And the system falls apart.” Zach tossed the air cannon aside.
The ground crews emerged to survey the damage. Soon, they were patching hulls and replacing chewed-through wiring.
Quartermaster Haron, with a small crate tucked under his arm, marched over and saluted the Peacekeepers. “Excellent work. I’m sure you’re glad there aren’t any carnivores on this planet.”
“That explains your problem,” Zach said. “Lack of predators leads to overpopulation.”
Tetsuo nodded sagely. “Every system…”
“…has a weakness.” Zach pointed to the subdued squirrel queen. “This won’t stop until it’s corrected. The Coalition will send an ecologist to revamp your ecosystem. You could import canines from a planet like Hecate.”
Haron winced. “It’ll be hard to get the council to approve, but I’ll try.” He opened the crate and handed an apple to each of them. “You’ve waited long enough for these.”
Zach’s eyes widened. He bit ravenously into the Ambrosia apple. The cool juice tingled on his lips. Waves of delicate sweetness and juicy sourness danced across his tongue.
He nudged Tetsuo with his elbow. “Now this is truly delicious.”
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
This was so lighthearted and fun! I was not expecting an epic battle based on the beginning with Zach eating an apple! The twist for me was earlier on when the squirrels weren’t quite normal l. Excellent job, I really enjoyed this read! And who doesn’t love a good Apple?
I’m glad you enjoyed it! Thank you!
To the people of Demeter, those are just average “squirrels,” so there wasn’t any need to give them a heads-up. Every planet has its own unique fauna as well as flora.
A good apple is a wonderful thing! I’m glad Zach finally got to enjoy the one he was looking forward to. ^_^
Lovely characters and what a fun adventure! Space squirrels…who would have thought?
Thank you much!
I’m sure there’ll be more stories set in this universe in the… future. Space squirrels are only the beginning! ~_^
Surprising and exciting story! The insect-squirrel-things were unexpected and made for a thrilling action set-up :)
And now I want an Ambrosia apple – one of my favorite varieties!
I enjoyed ZKarr and the Apples of Demeter very much.
The story was easy to read because it flowed smoothly.
I was “tickled” that the culprits were squirrels who can be cute in the wild but like any other creature a nuisance if nature gets out of balance.
I am looking forward to reading more of your stories.
A record for squirrel-kicking… good idea! ;)
“Apparently, Quartermaster Haron, we’ve got this.”
Lol XD I thoroughly enjoyed this!