Havok Publishing

Humor

At Your Service

“This evening has to be perfect.” Cecilia straightened Saegan’s bow tie with shaking hands. “We must impress the Minderas so they’ll invest in Master Gador’s business.” And she needed to impress Mastor Gador with her first dinner as his new housekeeper.

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The Heal-O-Matic

“You must have set it wrong.”
Vinny’s voice boomed, making my ears ring. Who had set what wrong? Where was I? More importantly, did they know I’d been informing on them for the last six months?
“There’s nothing to set!” Sal said. A thunderous thud of footfalls passed me. “See? Just a big red start button to turn it on.”

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Good at the Last Drop

They are coming.
I process the screech of my alarm, my thoughts already running a thousand miles an hour.
My children are coming. The house is a mess. Sister-In-Law Who Can Do No Wrong Ever will be here with Perfect Daughter. If she sees the mess in this house, our next holiday together will be a bloodbath.

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Humdinger’s Army

August 2, 1866
Pendleton, South Carolina, C.S.A.
Dearest Veronica,
I long for the day when this conflict will be ended, and I may once again enjoy your lovely company. But until that glorious day, I am training new recruits to join General Jackson’s airship armada as he strives against our misled brothers in the north.

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The Stray

The doorbell woke Margaret from her nap. She grabbed her cane and tapped to the front door. Gravel crunched as the grocery delivery truck reversed down the drive. She waited until she was sure he was gone. He was a nice man, but he talked too much.
She opened the door and struck the box with her cane.

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Sugar Cubes

The captain ran a finger around the edge of the sugar bowl and ventured a covert glance into the face of the young girl sitting before him. He wasn’t used to such young, well-paying passengers, nor to having said tender-aged passengers pay him a call in his cabin.

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Dragonback

Riding a dragon is the best way to travel—most of the time. “Karr, what are you doing? This is not Adron city!” I lean over as the dragon touches down on a grassy hilltop. “I’m stopping for a nap.” Karr slurs the last word into a yawn and his purple tongue curls like a cat’s.

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Glorious Nothing

The beat of war drums drives any notion of rest from my bones. I gird on my legendary sword, Jimmy Bob, and stride out of my tent to give my troops an inspiring speech before the battle. Across the torchlit river, the enemy army lurks, human troops intermixed with monstrous daemons summoned from the underworld.

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Unnatural 20

The barbarian exploded from the folding table launching dice, game pieces, and potato chips in every direction.
Tony, Piper, and Bart dove to the carpet for cover.
“What did you do?!” Piper screamed at Tony.
“What did I do?!?” Tony army crawled away from the disaster.
“Yeah, you butthead. You rolled!”

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Transactions

Damn. Tahnee hit the floor. This guy is good.
Good thing she was better. However, it was time to end their little dance despite the fun she was having.
“Wait—”
“Sorry, mate.” She clipped her opponent’s legs, driving the guard to the ground.

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An Odd Awakening

The human must’ve been shocked upon its awakening to see a bear using a computer. The sight of a bear alone would’ve been enough to set alarm bells ringing, but one checking emails over a morning coffee was something else entirely. It explained the hysterical cries issuing from the human’s mouth.

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The Messenger

Finding Seph was the easy part. She wore pomegranate-colored sneakers that glowed like taillights in the receding summer light. Stopping her was trickier. Her feet barely seemed to touch the ground as she ran down the boardwalk along the ocean, seagulls following close and squawking at her.

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