How to Train Your Slime
Harold’s parents were allergic to most pets, but sometimes he brought animals home just to be sure. He made valiant efforts with kittens and puppies, and he tried a Gila monster on them that didn’t go over well.
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An Armadillo Got Us All in Trouble
Ivy had zero misgivings about bringing her armadillo spelunking with us. Gustave was well-mannered and well-bred. He’d accompanied Ivy to prestigious events, such as opera premiers, royal balls, and lectures on the nature of truth by eminent philosophers. His track record was spotless.
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The Whack-a-Moleist
Friends and fans knew him as Nole the Mole. The internet knew him as a viral failure.
Last year, he dueled Herbert the Hammer at the Twenty-Second Whack-a-Mole International Championship for the title of Mallet Master. Herbert’s score reached previously unseen levels, but Nole knew he could’ve beaten him— had he not ignored a “wet floor” sign, slipped, and sprained his mallet hand catching his fall.
A Fool’s Quest
I creep down the ancient stone hallway, barely containing my anticipation. Months of tracking down clues, solving riddles and dodging hamster attacks are finally bearing fruit. Beyond the door at the end of the hallway lies the Donut of Time, last breakfast artifact I must recover before I can challenge the Hamsters of Doom and stop them from destroying humanity.
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At Your Service
“This evening has to be perfect.” Cecilia straightened Saegan’s bow tie with shaking hands. “We must impress the Minderas so they’ll invest in Master Gador’s business.” And she needed to impress Mastor Gador with her first dinner as his new housekeeper.
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The Heal-O-Matic
“You must have set it wrong.”
Vinny’s voice boomed, making my ears ring. Who had set what wrong? Where was I? More importantly, did they know I’d been informing on them for the last six months?
“There’s nothing to set!” Sal said. A thunderous thud of footfalls passed me. “See? Just a big red start button to turn it on.”
Good at the Last Drop
They are coming.
I process the screech of my alarm, my thoughts already running a thousand miles an hour.
My children are coming. The house is a mess. Sister-In-Law Who Can Do No Wrong Ever will be here with Perfect Daughter. If she sees the mess in this house, our next holiday together will be a bloodbath.
Humdinger’s Army
August 2, 1866
Pendleton, South Carolina, C.S.A.
Dearest Veronica,
I long for the day when this conflict will be ended, and I may once again enjoy your lovely company. But until that glorious day, I am training new recruits to join General Jackson’s airship armada as he strives against our misled brothers in the north.
The Stray
The doorbell woke Margaret from her nap. She grabbed her cane and tapped to the front door. Gravel crunched as the grocery delivery truck reversed down the drive. She waited until she was sure he was gone. He was a nice man, but he talked too much.
She opened the door and struck the box with her cane.
Sugar Cubes
The captain ran a finger around the edge of the sugar bowl and ventured a covert glance into the face of the young girl sitting before him. He wasn’t used to such young, well-paying passengers, nor to having said tender-aged passengers pay him a call in his cabin.
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Dragonback
Riding a dragon is the best way to travel—most of the time. “Karr, what are you doing? This is not Adron city!” I lean over as the dragon touches down on a grassy hilltop. “I’m stopping for a nap.” Karr slurs the last word into a yawn and his purple tongue curls like a cat’s.
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Glorious Nothing
The beat of war drums drives any notion of rest from my bones. I gird on my legendary sword, Jimmy Bob, and stride out of my tent to give my troops an inspiring speech before the battle. Across the torchlit river, the enemy army lurks, human troops intermixed with monstrous daemons summoned from the underworld.
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