By Lisa Timpf
Frank the Pig Detective shuffled papers on his desk while his brother Bob studied the bookcase.
Wonder what kind of mood Bob’s in today?
Frank adjusted a paper that didn’t really need adjusting and sighed. Before the Big Bad Wolf fiasco, he, Bob, and their brother, Will, had some fun times. But Bob had been crusty with both of them ever since the Wolf blew down their houses.
Maybe we should have taken his advice about building materials.
Frank cleared his throat. “Construction business slow?”
Bob shrugged. “I’ve fixed everything that needs fixing and built everything that needs building. Can I tag along with you today?”
Frank leaned back in his chair. Bob had been helpful on some past cases. On the other hand, his snappishness could make things unpleasant.
Perhaps it was a moot point. Frank had no open cases at the moment.
The door flew open. Walter the White Rabbit, wearing his SpeeDee Courier uniform, hopped in. “Got a note for Frank,” the rabbit said.
“That’s me.” Frank reached out his trotter and accepted the folded piece of paper. He had the note open before Walter got out the door.
For Bob’s benefit, he read the message aloud. “Come to the Wall, quick. There’s been a threat on my life.”
Below these words, Humpty Dumpty had scrawled his signature.
It seemed they had a case after all.
***
Frank peered up at Humpty, who perched on his wall. “You said you’d been threatened? What makes you think you’re in danger?”
Humpty wobbled precariously, his arms waving as he talked. “When I woke up this morning, I found this beside me.”
Humpty dropped a folded note down from his perch. Frank read the message aloud. “Beware the Prophecy.”
“The Prophecy?” Bob said. “You mean, Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great…” Humpty’s horrified expression stopped him cold. Bob shot Frank a cryptic look.
“Who might want to hurt you?” Frank asked.
“How would I know?” Humpty huffed. “That’s your job to find out. Rumor has it the Queen of Hearts is baking a big batch of cupcakes.”
Frank nodded. “We’ll check into it. In the meantime, why don’t you come down off the wall? It might be safer.”
“A few threats won’t make me crack.” Humpty shook his fist. “The Dumptys have lived on this wall for generations. I’m not leaving.”
“Suit yourself.” Frank shook his head. Experience had taught him you couldn’t save clients from themselves.
***
When Frank and Bob confronted the Queen of Hearts, she angrily denied any plans to harm Humpty.
She waved toward the cupcakes cooling on the countertop. “I’ve finished my baking for the week. And Humpty’s too big to bother with, unless you have a recipe calling for fourteen dozen eggs.”
“Well, do you have a recipe that calls for fourteen dozen eggs?” Bob put his front trotters on his hips and leaned forward.
“No. Look, as a gesture of good faith, here’s a cupcake for each of you.” The Queen handed out the treats. “You know, you might try the Three Bears. Between them and Goldilocks, someone might deem Humpty to be just right.”
***
When Frank and Bob spoke to Baby Bear, he added to the confusion.
“Humpty’s not what you’d call a good egg,” Baby Bear said. “He’s always grumpy and can be quite insulting.”
The Cat with the Fiddle, the Crooked Man, and the Gingerbread House Witch backed up Baby Bear’s assertion.
“Lots of people in Fairyland would have a motive for offing Humpty,” Bob grumbled back at the office.
Shoulders slumped, Frank studied the list of possible suspects they’d written on the big blackboard. He could sense Bob’s impatience with the way the case was unfolding. Go ahead. Let me have it.
Instead of criticizing, Bob made a suggestion. “Let’s start with what we know so far.”
Frank laid the note Humpty had given him beside the one Walter delivered. “Wait. Am I imagining things, or…”
Bob looked, then grunted. “We need to talk to Humpty.”
***
“You wrote the note about the Prophecy, didn’t you?” Frank asked Humpty. “The handwriting’s the same as the note you sent with Walter.”
“Fine. I admit it. But the way everyone feels about me, it’s just a matter of time.”
Bob cocked his head. “Everyone we talked to told us that you’re angry all the time. Did you know that anger sometimes stems from fear?”
Frank shot a sharp look at his brother. He sounds like someone who knows firsthand.
Humpty scowled. “What would I be afraid of?”
“Falling, maybe?” Bob’s voice was soft. “What if I told you we could help?”
“How?”
“I could build protective netting on either side of the wall and construct a sturdy ladder. Would that make you feel safer?”
Humpty’s wide, thankful eyes were answer enough.
***
Five days later, Bob sauntered into the office waving a thick envelope. “All done. With the detective fee plus the construction costs, Humpty paid us a decent sum. As a bonus, I think he’ll be nicer to his neighbors now that he’s not so nervous.”
“How did you know about the link between fear and anger?”
“When the Wolf blew down your house, and Will’s too, I was terrified. I guess I’ve been a bit harsh with both of you since then.”
“So, you were mad because you were scared?”
“Yes.”
Frank perked up. “Look, about getting your assistance with cases—”
Bob held out a forehoof. “I overstepped, asking that.”
Frank waved dismissively. “It would’ve taken me longer to solve this case without you. I’ve been thinking… maybe we should get new business cards printed. How does Pig Brothers Detective Agency sound?”
Bob smiled. “I think we’d make quite a dynamic detective duo.”
“We should celebrate. Want to go for lunch?”
“Sure. As long as we can find a place that doesn’t serve eggs. I’ve had enough to last a while.”
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Clever culprit–I should’ve expected him, though. Who else could have put the note there?