By Krysta Tawlks
Pam: I saw one
Jimmy: srsly? What do they look like? I hear they’re so orange, they’ll burn your eyes. Like the sun.
Pam: How’d you now what I’m talking about?
*know
Jimmy: Because it’s all anyone is talking about. Cam got sent to the hospital last week for getting too close to one. Couldn’t resist it. Now he’s in a coma.
Pam: Woah. THAT’s scary. Like moth to a flame.
Jimmy: To be fair, he’s also hyperglycemic.
Pam: Oh true. Fair.
Jimmy: Think he’s recover his sense of smell after he wakes?
*he;ll
*he’ll
Pam: Has anyone recovered?
Jimmy: True.
I still can’t believe you saw one! How’d you resist it?
Pam: Well… my dog got to it first. He ate it.
Jim: OMG is your dog okay?
Pam: He died.
Jimmy: OOHHH NOOOOOO! Heart emoji! Sad face emoji!
Pam: You really need to learn how to use emojis. But thank you for the sentient.
*sentiment
Jimmy: v3 ;(
Pam: Keep working on that
Jimmy: But really I’m sorry. Alfalfa was a good buddy.
Pam: Thank you. Ya it’s been really hard. We had a ceremonial burning for him in the backyard. Just in case.
Jimmy: Just in case of what? Is there something I don’t know?? *fear and trembling*
Pam: No one has turned into zombies yet, but we thought… just in case.
Jimmy: 8-0
Pam: What?
Jimmy: It’s my emoji for “Are you KIDDING me??”
Turn your head sideways. You’ll see it.
Pam: Ah. Looks like he got buggy eyes.
That’s an emoticon btw.
Jimmy: Hey you still haven’t told me what it LOOKS like!
Pam: Hmmm. I remember it was blinding orange with milky smoke swirling inside.
Jimmy: Gah! How big was it?
Pam: About the size of a Cliff bar.
Jimmy: Maybe that’s why your dog ate it. He used to like those.
Pam: Before he got there, I poked it with a stick. A sugary substance secreted from its pores.
Smelled like… citrus and vanilla.
Jimmy: srsly? Everything you say makes me think of an orange creamsicle LOL
Pam: Right. That’s why they call it The Orange Cream Sickness.
Jimmy: OMG I never put that together! Poor Cam.
Pam: Think those scientists will get sued by the state or something?
Jimmy: Um let me think. Mutated orange creatures that taste like candy and literally send you into a coma? Yup. Lawsuit waiting to happen.
Pam: And *might* turn you into a zombie.
Jimmy: RIGHT. *Catholic crossy thing*
Pam: Dam scientists. Put a leash on your experiments.
Jimmy: Truth. Leashes are not just for dogs. #pooralfie
Glad you’re safe tho. How you feeling?
Pam: Great actually.
Jimmy: Really? I wouldn’t expect that…
Pam: Yes. Just ate something delicious. Orange. And creamy.
Jimmy: 8-0
Did you EAT one?
Pam: Yes.
Jimmy: OMG!! There was more than one?? Where are you? Let me call the ambulance! You’re going into shock! JUST LIKE CAM!
Pam: I’m here.
Jimmy: You’re scaring me. Here? Where is here?
Pam: Outside your room.
Jimmy: Did you just bang on my door?
Pam: Yes. Why’s it locked?
Jimmy: …
Pam: …
Jimmy: IF ANYONE READS THIS MY BODY HAS PROBABLY BEEN BURNED IN A CEREOMY OF SORTS!!
Pam: *CEREMONY
Jimmy: Stop banging on my door!
Pam: Hold up. Why are you still texting me? I’m right here!
Jimmy: I’m creating a record for the police files.
Pam: Like anyone ever reads those
Jimmy: I can hear you. Are you doing speech to text?
Pam: Yes I need both hands for this next part
Jimmy: OMG! WHAT?
Pam: Let the record show that Jimmy Franks is a danger to himself
Jimmy: No! No I’m fine!
Pam: Don’t worry Jimmy I’ll save you
Jimmy: Let the record show that Pam Halliday just broke a hole through the door. She’s staring at me through the opening. She’s got orange goo smeared across her mouth. Her eyes are blazing like hot coals.
SHE HAS AN AXE!
Pam: Let the record show that I sound amazing
Jimmy: No you sound like a zombie!
Pam: Eat the orange creamsicle and awaken your soul
Jimmy: Never!
Pam: …
Jimmy: X-O***
April 2, 2021
Pam: We good?
Jimmy: I can’t believe I fell for your prank.
Pam: gullible + dictionary = you
Jimmy: But EVERYONE was talking about it FOR WEEKS like it was real. You, Mom, Cam, Cam’s mom, the Trader Joe’s checkout guy…
Pam: All in on it.
Jimmy: What about that time officer Dan pulled me over and warned me about the “Orange Outbreak?”
And those articles you sent me?! Some botched science experiment getting loose in the neighborhood?!
I quarantined FOR DAYS.
Pam: Dan’s a nice guy. Talented blogger.
Jimmy: *flails uncontrollably*
YOU RUINED MY DOOR!
Pam: Ya sorry. Took it a bit far.
Jimmy: *face palm to head*
Pam: Your mom said she was going to replace it anyway.
Jimmy: Omg Mom is evil
Pam: Ya I love her
Jimmy: You don’t get it. I was so scared. You don’t even know!
Pam: Sorry
Jimmy: *sigh* thanks I guess.
Pam: Not sorry.
Jimmy: >:-(
I loathe you.
Pam: Orange you glad it wasn’t real?
Jimmy: *eyeroll*
Pam: …
Jimmy: Does this mean your dog is okay?
Pam: No, he’s still dead.
Jimmy: Alfie! Why???
Pam: Ate an orange creamsicle.
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I can’t decide what I like better: the outrageous storyline or how creatively you executed it. 8-)
Thank you so much!! 😄
Poor Alfalfa.
Awesome prank! XD
Yeeees!! Poor lil guy!!
(BTW, as an aside, I’m *dying* to know how you formatted this.)
The formatting was done by Havok staff. Custom CSS styles applied to each paragraph, coded by our webmaster (me, haha!). Glad you like it. :-)
Neat! Thanks.
Ha! Made me laugh. Avoid orange creamsicles. Check!
Honestly now I really want one!!
“Catholic crossy thing” *facepalms* Jimmy, what are you even doing :-P
This is so creative and unique!
So glad you like that line!! Omg but everyone is so on point with the emoticons right now!
clever^4
I want to know why an orange creamsicle killed Alfie. Just saying. (And I’m so not doing emojis because I really hate them :-( !!!)
So creative! Loved it in text form. Sad the dog had to die.
<3 XD O.o
And now I'm craving and orange creamsicle.
*an
(must use at least 4 characters to post…)