Havok Publishing

Tag - humor

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Forest for the Trees

Darren Gaskow patted the top of his servo-bot. “Well, Bertha, I think that’s all the ultranium that will fit. The hold is filled to the brim.”
The sturdy machine, as always, gave no reply.
“Seal the hold,” ordered Darren, “and then go close up the mine. We’ve got nothing to do now but wait.”

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Two-Eyed Vermin

audio293874931.cyfile [saved on 9/3, 1:05]
This is Day 1 of the Heymon Project. The traps are set. My colleagues laugh at me for entertaining the notion that any heymons have managed to sneak into our woods, but we’ll see. According to my research, they are curious and adventurous creatures. I have little doubt they’re

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Lieutenants of Darkness

Eighty bucks seemed like a lot, but it was for Gerald’s thirtieth birthday, so I clicked “confirm” before I could regret those eighty dollars—which turned out to be $97.89 after shipping and tax. I was already on the receipt page when I started to worry how legitimate it was.
Thankfully,

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Splint Second

It takes a special kind of stupid to ride a dragon drunk.
Or maybe I rode a drunk dragon. The details are fuzzy. Many things are fuzzy right now, starting with where I am and how far I fell before I landed.
I open my eyes. Currently, they’re the only parts of my body that don’t hurt.

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Fines and Flames

Of all the things to deal with right before a room check, of course I have to put out dragon fire.
“Venus, what did you do?” I gape at the flames eating my dorm room’s floor, then glare at the perpetrator.
Venus, the tiny dragon living under my bed, preens her golden

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The Screwtech Letters

To: georgethegremlinhaha@crashandburn.com
From: sirfrederickgrim@upgradeorbust.org
Subject: Re: Hello…
Dear Cousin George,
It’s good to finally hear from you! Are you still living in that cheap hunk of metal you call a computer? The one you’re always complaining about at gremlin get-togethers?

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The Curse of the Were-Cupcake

It had been three months since someone last licked me.
That was a weird experience.
The offending party apologized profusely and dropped me like I was a talking cupcake. Which, at the time, I was. Couldn’t really blame them for running away screaming.
Now, trying not to be nervous, I locked up my realtor’s

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Bad Help is Hard to Find

It was a typical night in Doomslyvania, where the weather was frequently dark and stormy. Dr. Detestable had ranked the persistent dreary turbulence high in selling points when he’d chosen to build his castle laboratory on these steep, black cliffs. Top three, at least. Ominous circling vultures and a pathetic village to terrorize

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Orange You Glad

Pam: I saw one
Jimmy: srsly? What do they look like? I hear they’re so orange, they’ll burn your eyes. Like the sun.
Pam: How’d you now what I’m talking about?
*know
Jimmy: Because it’s all anyone is talking about. Cam got sent to the hospital last week for getting too close

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Meet Feet

Horace’s toes tapped to the rhythm. They inched toward the DJ and tried coaxing Horace from his table. He dragged the insistent digits under his chair. They pranced forward again. With one last sigh, Horace tossed away his beer and slipped into the throng of swaying couples.
His feet followed the rhythm perfectly

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For the Love of Pie

I’d better get that blueberry pie. It’s the only reason I signed up for this ridiculous jousting tournament. Cielo di Spala loosened his hold on the horse’s reins and gripped his lance. A breeze fluttered the frayed, sky blue handkerchief tied around the pole. Alessia’s handkerchief. His ladylove sat in the front row,

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A Nosy Neighborhood Stakeout

A good neighborhood stakeout always starts with a comfy porch swing and my famous pound cake. Archie’s curled up on my lap, watching the street for any sign of Uncannies—or rabbits. Ever since he got into a scuffle with a bunny—and lost—he’s been on his guard.

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